By - No-Tomorrow-6349
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be TA because I did not like my brother's fiancées behavior regarding the proposal and engagement and I implied that due to that behavior she doesn't deserve to be engaged to my brother.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 2 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again/)*
YTA. she is the one wearing the ring, she decides. you sound upset that she didn't like your style. did you ask your brother if he had any ideas from his fiance before suggesting what you liked?
This. Op, YTA.
I’m hopping on the top comment to say: this is one of those wonderful situations where you get the distinct pleasure of *not giving a fuck*. I invite you not to care about this OP! It doesn’t affect your life in the least and in fact hurts nobody. Why would you possibly want to start drama in this awesome scenario??
Also, stones other than diamonds in engagement rings are big right now. People have issues with “blood diamonds.” YTA, OP. Just sit down and let your brother and his fiancée be happy.
YUP. I have a sapphire in my engagement ring for so many reasons. The prices of diamonds are artificially inflated and there is so many unfair and unethical trades with it. Also, because we didn’t get a diamond, I could get a much bigger, higher quality stone within our budget.
Anyways OP is TA. They need to apologize and move on with their life.
I have a sapphire too! They're almost as durable as diamonds, and I think prettier.
My husband and I are both born in September so we chose sapphire years ago. His favorite stone is Lapis so we both have matching rings with sapphire and lapis. I love it! Diamonds were always boring to me anyways
Not to be that guy, but sapphires are if anything more likely to be ethically problematic than diamonds. Relatively few diamonds come from "blood diamond" countries, and diamonds now have "passports" to assure that whichever one you buy doesn't. Natural, gem-quality sapphires, on the other hand, mostly come from Burma, where they're literally financing a genocidal government. (Approximately 85% of all rubies and sapphires mined today are of Burmese origin. ETA: This was based on some quick googling, so take it with a grain of salt; others below seem to disagree, but my point is, if you care about human rights, just knowing the stone without its provenance isn't good enough.)
Synthetic sapphires are dirt cheap, even compared to synthetic diamonds and silicon carbide, but I'm guessing you didn't get one if you pushed the limits of your budget.
I insisted on lab-grown sapphires for that reason.
It’s super easy to push the limits of your budget with lab-grown stones if you like an ornate band/setting, though. Which it sounds like the fiancée does, I’m the same way in that I *hate* ‘classic’ styles because they’re the opposite of my entire look. My dream ring—for my wife and I’s eventual vow renewal (courthouse wedding and we agreed when we’d do a proper ceremony we’d get nicer rings too)—has a cost that’s like 90% metalwork/design because it’s Fancy with Skulls
Exactly. When my husband had the ring conversation way back when, I said, emphatically, 'no diamonds!'
It's a ridiculously overpriced stone and they're not even that pretty. The whole 'you need to pay so much of your salary to prove you love your woman' is absolute capitalist bullshit.
And the shit they go through for them, plus holding them back in vaults to artificially drive up the price? Nope.
I got a mystic fire topaz in black silver, and I love it. It's unique and absolutely *not* classic or traditional.
And no, 'classic' certainly does not fit everyone's taste.
YTA, OP. It's not any of your business what is on her finger.
It's hers and your brother's only.
Yessss I’ve made it very clear to my boyfriend that I don’t want a diamond when he proposes and that when we do decide it’s time to get engaged that I think we should shop for the ring together. I don’t like traditional rings. I don’t like yellow gold or silver and I don’t like diamonds. No shade to anyone who does like the classic engagement ring style! You do you! There’s lots of ethical lab grown diamonds that are available! That’s just absolutely not my style. Also, your ring sounds gorgeous!
Exactly this, my wife want a blue stone rather than a diamond. We shopped around together and found a nice sapphire one she loves. The classic style is usually diamonds, and as been said, has seriously negative connotations
Also I just want to point out that emeralds are usually less expensive than diamonds, so the ring probably did cost about the same.
And even if it was more expensive than the previous ring, why the hell is that any of OP's business? She obviously didn't buy it so it has nothing to do with her. She clearly just wants to accuse the fiancee of being a gold-digger and is sour that she didn't get the opportunity so is implying it anyway.
op picked the ring she wants
EDIT: wow! thanks for all the up votes and the award!
That's what I was thinking the entire time I was reading it. OP thinks her style is the only way but a lot of people (including myself) go for non traditional rings for many different reasons.
INFO: Did your brother mention when you went ring shopping that they had talked about styles? Did he tell you she specifically told him she did not want a traditional style? Because if he mentioned it and you talked him into something more your style than hers, that makes you even more TA.
YTA mind your own business.
I bet even if he mentioned styles OP was in his ear the whole time. “But THIS is CLASSIC”, “engagement rings are ALWAYS diamonds”, “oh she won’t want to wear that all the time, don’t you want her to wear it all the time?” As if everyone matches their ring to their shoes or something 🙄
OP: thinks certain rings don't fit certain occasions
Also OP: thinks it's okay to ask someone how much their engagement ring cost
I don't really trust OP's sense of decorum.
Lol yeah this is what I thought. She pushed her opinion through, brother caved for he arguments and now his fiancée might think he doesn't know her well enough/doesn't listen to her. If OP fells us she did this on purpose to drive them apart I would believe her (and no, I don't think she did that on purpose. But how she sees reason to judge her brothers fiancée and their relationship over one single incident is beyond me?)
At least op showing her ass shows the fiancee that brother probably *does* know her, but his sister is a medling ah
Honestly reading that part made me chortle. My sister wears her rings on her right hand; on her index is a ruby and diamond encrusted gold ring, her ring finger occupies her traditionally classic engagement ring, and on her middle is a silver band with a chicken icon that is her promise ring. People who care about the sentimentality of their jewelry do not give a rats ass about it “matching” anything.
Right? This is what gets me. Fiancé actually discussed ring styles with OP's brother and he went against her wishes because OP "knows best".
That was my first thought. Everyone raves about how classic solitaires are but I hate them. I was very adamant with my husband I NOT get a solitaire. I told him I did not like them at all no matter how classic or popular they were. He felt it was important that I like what I got since I was the one wearing it.
We went shopping together and I was able to show him exactly the styles I loved. He would have final say but I would be able to show him exactly what I loved.
Coincidentally I ended up finding my dream ring in a store outside of Boston. I’d seen it a few years previously at a store in Florida and fell in love with it. Everywhere I went I looked for that specific setting but never found it. It has a very vintage design that reminded me of my grandmother’s wedding set. I got so excited I yelled out in the store, “there it is!!” The whole store stopped and turned to stare at us cuz I was so loud 😳.
I totally did it without even thinking. I hadn’t seen that setting anywhere else except in one other store 1,000 miles away, so it surprised me. Needles to say even though I wanted my final ring to be a surprise my husband basically didn’t have a choice after he saw my excitement over finding that particular ring😂🤦🏼♀️
It also sounds like she's mad because, and this is really just me guessing, that she hasn't gotten a ring and a proposal?
Why does she think this is something someone should be grateful for receiving? It's pretty much the standard before getting married?
It sounds like OP is pissed SO didn’t like the ring *she* picked out, even though SO had already communicated what she wanted.
Edit: changed he to she
Omg if I read the word classic one more fucking time
We picked a classic ring, classic. Who, classic, dosen't like classic? It classically goes with everything classic. Classic!
ugh, I accidentally read that in Trump's voice.
But…it’s a classic! Jk sorry. I’m going now 🏃♂️
No The ring SHE picked out. I bet you that OP chose the ring she'd want for herself
I've told my Fiancé many MANY times **I do not want a diamond!!!!** He instead found a ring that has my birthstone on the sides and **my dead mothers birthstone as the main stone.** And this was a reasonably priced ring (about $900. after taxes) **so not getting a diamond saved us quite a bit of money as they are overpriced, right out the gate.**
Everyone and I mean **EVERYONE gets a diamond...it's no longer special.** I'd rather have a ring that's unique to our relationship. **Had he gotten me a diamond, I would have said NO to his proposal. Because, why would I marry someone who dismisses my taste on something \*I\* am wearing for months/years.**
**EDITED FOR VERDICT: OP YTA!!!!**
Also it’s wild to me that OP doesn’t realize an emerald ring is almost certainly significantly less expensive than a diamond ring?? Why do they assume the emerald ring is pricier?
And how is an emerald not appropriate for all occasions? Emeralds are beautiful stones! And its not a softer stone like an opal (which are still a lot heartier than I was led to believe as a teen/young adult).
Looks like OP bought the DeBeers ad hook, line, and sinker.
I think the "doesn't go with all styles and occasions"
Actually just means it doesn't go with OP's style and occasions xD
Butt out of their relationship and their engagement, OP. YTA.
Yeah, SERIOUSLY. Did OP even ASK after fiancees preferences? Not everyone likes a "classic" ring and, as long as it wasn't a big jump in price, there's nothing wrong with changing to something his fiancee liked. I am a BIG fan of vintage engagement rings over the classic solitaire. And that's the ring I got! After all, fiancee is the one whose gonna wear it for the rest of her life. I agree OPs just salty she didn't like the ring OP picked out. And unless there are other issues, you don't break an engagement because of a difference in taste. Agreed YTA
Wasn't even a difference in THEIR tastes necessarily. It was a difference in taste between OP and fiancee.
This. As a woman, I don't really like the classic style so I don't think the fiancee is in the wrong here. I've also heard of many women exchanging rings for one they liked better because she's the one wearing (and looking at) the ring
But guys… it’s a cLaSsIc piece! You can never go wrong with a classic piece that has a classic diamond. What don’t you understand?!
Just run a bulldozer over what the fiance likes and then call her ungrateful for not liking what was chosen and saying breakup. This sounds like OP was looking to create a fight and break them up.
There is considerable arrogance in the OP thinking that she should get to dictate the future SIL's ring.
This is you're the arrogant asshole.
I need to fix this for OP. "I, OP, (probably single), picked out my dream ring for my brother's fiance and she didn't like it. She wanted something different and I talked my brother out of getting what she wanted. She had him return my ring and got something that wasn't my taste and I hate her for it. They should break up because my feelings are hurt."
YTA. She didn’t demand a pricier ring or say your brother didn’t spend enough for her. THAT would be ungrateful. It’s super common for people to want their future fiancés to see what rings they like in advance so they know what to get. You and your brother disregarded what your FSIL wanted, and now you’re upset because FSIL doesn’t agree with YOUR choice for HER ring.
Imagine if you got engaged and someone gave you a ring with a big emerald in it. Something you admittedly do not like. Would you not talk to your fiancé about exchanging it for something that speaks more to you?
It’s her ring. Not yours.
This. I never wanted a diamond ring, it's just not my style. I decided I would love a sapphire, and that's what my husband got, and it feels 100% "like me." I would have worried about marrying someone who didn't care what kind of ring I want to wear for the rest of my life, that would be thoughtless of them, right? I would be even more worried if it turned out he bought me a ring he knew I wouldn't like because his sibling insisted he buy a "classic" ring. You don't like emeralds? Cool, don't get one for your engagement ring. I can't imagine caring AT ALL about someone else's ring choice. YTA, OP.
Same with the sapphire. Since then 2 other women in my family have requested sapphires instead of diamonds. It seems to be a popular choice to choose an alternative stone, whether because of color or just rejecting the industry or old conventions.
Absolutely! I'm not a fan of the diamond industry, and I just happen to love anything blue and a little moody.
They're also durable, so good for everyday wear.
And they come in a bunch of colors! Sapphires are the best.
So much this. I don't like the diamond culture and I find diamonds "cold". My wedding ring is smokey quartz set in rose and white gold. We chose my ring together.
Professional jeweler here. Soooooo many people don’t get “traditional” engagement rings anymore. I’m working on one currently that’s labradorite. b00kw0rm is 100% right and I can absolutely confirm that people quite often switch rings for something they like better, it’s very normal. Sounds like OP is taking this as a personal affront to her style which is the thing that’s not normal about this situation. YTA OP, it’s not your ring. Ask yourself why you care so much.
Edit: if someone will tell me how, I’ll post a pic of the labradorite wedding ring I’m working on since a few of you lovely people asked. I’m sorry, I don’t know how to link a picture.
Edit 2: [here](https://imgur.com/a/t4oUEyJ) is the ring so far. I’ve only just begun, I’m waiting for an exact size to continue. 14k bezel, sterling band, hexagon rose cut stone. [and here](https://imgur.com/a/epWgoXj) is the labs she chose from to give you an idea of scale on the stone. (I hope the links work!)
Labradorite is my favorite!! I have an 11 lb piece on my dresser. I collect minerals, crystals and rocks. I bet that's a beautiful ring!!
If OP stated "its a classic!" one more time......
I really want to know what "classic" means to OP, and how the ring she picked compares to what FSIL actually wanted.
If my fiance's sister had acted like this about the ring he originally got me (which we also exchanging for a different one, the jeweler said that's really common) I would've made damn sure to keep her as far away as possible from our wedding plans (and possibly lives in general). It's obnoxious and frankly weird.
YTA, OP. When you get engaged, you can have your classic ring! But you don't get to throw a fit over anyone else's rings.
All this made me do was think of the one engagement ring that someone shared, to ask for advice on how to say she hated it.
It was a giant amber in the shape of a heart. It looked like it should have been costume jewelry for a child, it looked so terrible.
While my engagement ring with my first husband wasn't THAT bad, it definitely wasn't picked with me in mind. I didn't want a diamond, so he was going to pick out a colored stone for me until his mother got in his ear and said I at least needed something colorless so it would go with everything. I ended up wearing this ugly white sapphire ring that just looked like a dirty, badly cut diamond for three years.
When I kicked him out I think I only got about $25 at the pawn shop for it.
I decided to go non tradition with wood and other valuable gems. When I found a few I liked my S/O looked and chose a handful she liked. But I still had the chance to choose and surprise her. To say the least she loves it and flaunts it when she can.
You liked the ring, she didn't. They were both mature and talked about it and decided to replace it with one that made them both happy. Sounds like a very good relationship in my opinion.
Though they might have to go LC with the toxic sister.
yeah, sister gives off entitled and toxic vibes..
Did anyone notice OP saying the gf should be grateful she got a proposal and a ring. Me thinks someone is jealous!
Yessss, this idea that you should be ‘grateful’ that your partner wants to be with you is so toxic
Maybe OP should marry brother if she likes the ring so much 🙄
YTA. Stay in your lane and mind your own business.
If she sent your brother rings she liked and he bought something completely different, it is good that she mentioned it to him instead of sucking it up and wearing a ring she doesn't like for the rest of her life. Good for your brother for owning up to his mistake and defending her.
^^ This. YTA, OP. Your future SIL is allowed to have her own tastes, and there is nothing wrong with emeralds!
I agree completely with this.
And depending on the cut, emeralds can be less than diamonds.
OP, sorry lad, I know you love your brother but you are a bit out of line here. So what if it wont go with every occasion? Its resting on her finger not yours. Just apologize and be done with it, or if you don't want to apologize, just leave it be and have a good time at the wedding.
I wanted a green stone all my life. Before alternative rings stones got popular. If my partner had gotten me a diamond knowing how I feel about them I’d be heartbroken and feel so rejected.
Yes… it’s jewelry she’s expected to wear EVERY DAY for the rest of her life, obviously she should actually like it instead of just having to ‘be grateful’. If it was just a symbol like a bouquet of flowers that’s one thing but jewelry that you want to wear forever is quite personal. My husband “just for fun” perused a jewelry store with me before proposing to get an idea of what kind of jewelry I like since I owned 0 rings before, because he wanted it to be something I liked and would want to wear not just wear begrudgingly
It’s none of OP’s business, the recipients opinion matters more than yours so just stay out of it
YTA. 1. She communicated her taste in rings clearly. 2. She may be wearing this ring for the rest of her life. 3. This is absolutely none of your business. 4. You are so far out of line by telling your brother to cancel the engagement that you have crossed over onto a different continent. 5. Your taste in rings is not The One True Taste.
You hit the nail on the head with all 5 things. No way does OP get a say in how their brother and fiance buy rings and if they stay engaged. If the brother bought a ring with zero qualities his fiance had requested I'd say the brother needs to reevaluate his own stance in the relationship.
My guess is that OP's brother probably DID start looking at the things his fiance had showed him, took his sister with him for a "woman's opinion" in case he might get it wrong, and then OP pushed him into something entirely different by convincing him that "all women want what I want.", which made him initially second guess himself. I doubt he thought his sister was going to put him off point.. and then when he talked with his fiance and found out he made a wrong choice he corrected that with no issues.
Lots of men are insecure about buying gifts in general for women and reach out to their sisters if they have them. My ex almost bought me a coach purse at his sister's encouragement one year (thank fuck i was warned about this in advance and was able to have my best friend encourage him not to. Now I have a giant stuffed gorilla that at 33 years old is still one of my favorite things ever. Judge me, idc. I've got Papa George to keep me company haha!)
I can see how for something as big as an engagement ring they might ask for help from their sister, and obviously we can see how pushy and weird his sister is about them.
My husband also showed my sister my engagement ring before he proposed because he was SO SURE he picked the wrong ring and I was going to hate it and we were going to go back to the jeweler and get a different thing. He was literally on his knee asking me to marry him and then said "if you don't like it we can return it and get you a better one!"
I'd feel awful if someone bullied him into making a choice he didn't want to make. Hell, one of the sales people at a jewelry store negged him and told him the ruby ring he was looking at was "kind of *cheap* and kind of *small*" . He didn't buy from there and walked across the mall to a different store and bought one in the window that checked the boxes that I'd like.
Yeah OP. YTA. Sounds like you steamrolled your brother and pushed him away from the nOn ClAsSiC engagement rings in lieu of a diamond ring that a lot of people nowadays have aesthetic and moral objections to.
Not to mention, the fact she switched out a diamond for an emerald says to me she probably hates diamonds. I know I do, they look tacky and soulless. Not to mention the fact if you buy a real one, odds are it's a blood diamond. I wouldn't want to carry someone else's pain around on my finger for the rest of my life.
This! People are really starting to think about blood diamonds. It is my birthstone and I still refuse to wear them. Give me a good quality manufactured stone instead.
I mean, it’s not like other stone mines are exactly happy fun time
People should be against blood diamonds, but to act like other actual stones are innocent practices is bizarre
BUt It’S nOT cLaSsiC /s. OP sounds like a snob.
"I told my brother if I were him..."
But you're not him
This is their business
YTA - and why do I get the feeling that you bullied your brother into getting a ring *you* like instead of what he was going to get?
Especially since it seems like his fiance has let him know what kind of ring she would want
Yes!!!! This stinks of this sort of manipulation and petty bullying.
Exactly what I thought. She got him to get a ring she likes that she thinks is suitable. Not the fact it’s the fiancée that has to wear it.
but its ClAsSiC piece
>you can never go wrong with a classic piece.
Bullshit. Yes you can. I *hate* solitaire rings. They might be the classic but I think they look boring and lonely. (if you're reading this and your ring is a solitaire, I'm sure you love it and it looks amazing. But I wouldn't like it for *me*).
Your brother disregarded his fiance's preferences and is now experiencing the consequences.
> And it was not even a classic diamond like the first one but instead a huge emerald stone which would not fit in many occasions.
How won't it? Its now a statement piece. Who the hell is looking at someone and saying "oh no, her engagement ring doesn't match her shoes"??? Not everyone likes a diamond set, its called personal preferences. Like how your preference is for a "classic" ring.
> I insisted that this is very rude and ungrateful for someone to do and that she should be happy she at least got a proposal and a ring
Keep your nose out of other people's engagements. She wasn't rude, she just asked that something she's expected to wear for the rest of her life be something she actually likes.
Just wanted to say I absolutely love my sapphire wedding ring set. It is 100% my taste and style and I love that my husband listened to my preference and got me something I love wearing every day. I never wanted a diamond and would have been very disappointed with a "classic" ring because that's simply not my taste.
I wanna chime in and say that I love solitaires but I can see how they might be boring to some people.
WOW ITS ALMOST LIKE WE CAN HAVE DIFFERENT TASTES AND STILL RESPECT EACH OTHER'S OPINIONS.
>she should be happy she at least got a proposal and a ring
YTA for this sentence alone.
OP sounds so bitter
If I didn't know OP was the sister, instead of just a friend, I'd think she was jealous her brother didn't propose to her with the ring she picked out for him to buy...
That got me too. Why does OP feel her future SIL doesn’t deserve a proposal AND a ring she loves? Presumably she’ll be wearing it every day for the rest of her life, after all. Is there some reason she believes the fiancé is beneath her and her brother? Most people are super happy when they get engaged, but grateful? That’s a weird perspective that implies the fiancé doesn’t really deserve it.
Sounds like OP is jealous and bitter.
YTA. Your perspective on this is soooooo warped. It’s completely normal for someone to find a wedding ring that they like better. Especially if it’s the same price. Her opinion on her wedding ring matters more than your opinion on her wedding ring. The fact that you’re even upset about this is wild. You owe her and your brother a huge apology for even saying anything in the first place
YTA. An engagement ring is very personal and she should get one she likes. It’s weird that you are so worked up about this. It’s none of your business. If you brother and his fiancé are happy with the situation, why is it bothering you so much?
With all the verbiage about how the fiancée should be grateful to get a proposal and a ring at all, I can make some guesses about why it bothers her so much, but they'd just be speculation really.
ETA: haha, no, I was right, she's a pick me.
YTA It sounds like you chose a ring you liked and you're taking her disliking your favourite engagement ring personally.
The first thing I would do if my brother asked me to go engagement ring shopping with him would be asking “do you know what she likes? Has she ever said anything about any engagement rings or styles? What's her favourite ring and do you have a picture?”
I would not go out and advise my brother to get a ring *I* like for various reasons (goes with whatever and has the stone I find appropriate). You're not going to wear the ring every day from now on and this is not your relationship. You need to apologise.
She sent him pics of rings she liked and both of you ignored it. That's not being ungrateful, that sounds like you talking your brother into getting a ring that "everyone likes" when it was clear she wouldn't.
Thinking more the OP bullied the brother into getting a ring that she wanted. Brother probably said this is what she sent me. OP, "Oh, no. She doesn't want those. She doesn't know what she wants. Trust me she wants a classic."
YTA. This is a piece of jewelry she'd be wearing day in day out, and it should be something she likes, not something her SIL likes.
Not everyone likes diamonds, btw. A lot of people have ethical issues with them, besides just not liking the look of them.
You're absolutely wrong about all of this, and you should stay out of your brother's relationship.
Lol you are such an AH. You literally have no skin in this game, and you think your brother should call off the wedding because his fiance has different taste than you do. This is clearly just because she didn't like a ring you helped pick out, and you need to get over yourself.
> This is clearly just because she didn’t like a ring you helped pick out.
Tbh I’m guessing this is more about OP being bitter her younger brother is getting married before her. She picked her own dream ring to live vicariously through him and now she’s mad it wasn’t what his gf wanted. Hence the part at the end about how she should be “happy she at least got a proposal and a ring.”
YTA. What you think doesn’t matter, and it sounds like you’re just offended because she’s got different taste than you. You’re not the one who has to wear this ring for the next several decades, so stfu and let them enjoy this new stage of their relationship. If you keep pushing, you’re going to do irrevocable damage to your relationship with your brother and future SIL.
YTA why do you care what kind of ring this girl wears for the rest of her life ?
She does not like the ring you chose, she has to wear this piece everyday. She is 100% entitled to get the style of ring she likes
YTA. Seriously mind your own business. Call off the engagement really? Ring was not a classic diamond and wouldn’t fit in many occasions? What are you? Special occasions/engagement ring police?
... how dare she get the ring she wanted? The ring they had discussed prior to shopping? A ring YOU don't approve of?
Its not your ring, its not your fiance. Its not your business. Get over yourself. You're acting pretentious. Its not a good look.
YTA and so was your brother when he allowed his opinionated, clueless big sister to substitute her taste and preferences for those already clearly expressed by the woman he was actually going to marry. And you are really a piece of work to want him to break up with her (jeez) because she doesn’t like the ring YOU picked out. Who the hell wants to force someone else to wear a ring they don’t like?! I bet fiancée wishes she could pick out a better future sister-in-law too.
ETA: Wanted to make it clear that your brother is no longer an AH since he started respecting and supporting his fiancée’s choices. He even admitted his mistake, which can be hard to do. Sounds like a good guy who you seem frustrated that you can’t bully in this. Are you used to pushing him around?
You’re accusing this poor woman of being shameless and you straight up asked her how much the new engagement ring costs???? OP for real what the fuck possessed you to ask??? Everyone else has laid out everything else you did wrong, YTA.
YTA but I’m just here to enjoy other people telling you why
YTA and MASSIVELY so.
1. This is a ring that she will likely wear every single day for the rest of her life. She needs to like the ring.
2. She was very clear and communicated what she wanted. Your brother is the AH for not taking that into consideration and going rogue.
3. You’re the AH for butting into something that’s not any of your business. Is it your ring? Is it your relationship? He even AGREED to change the ring. So the only person with a problem here is you.
4. You’re looking for issues. “I doubt it’s the same price” “call off the engagement” “unacceptable behavior” - you’re just looking for issues and things to blow out of proportion. If you hate your SIL and don’t want them to get married why don’t you own up to that rather than hide behind random small things that you turn into huge deals.
If anything she should be running away from a marriage with a man who has such a horrible, judgy, controlling sister.
YTA. It's none of your business. I could see being bothered if she had thrown a huge fit and demanded a more expensive ring. But she just wanted one more to her tastes.
Honestly it should be expected that if your partner isn't shopping for rings qith you, you may be going back to find one they actually like. This is supposed to be on her hand for a long ass time. The least you can do is find something she actually likes.
YTA. This is not your business. In no world is this your business. You can give advice to your siblings all you want, but if your brother rejects that advice, you have no further ground to keep pushing.
It isn’t your ring, and it isn’t any of your business. She’s going to wear that ring for (hopefully) the rest of her life and it should be something she likes.
What if someone had given you the ring she currently has? You really want to look at that for the rest of your life? Every day?
It also isn’t any of your business how much the ring costs, and that’s completely irrelevant to your story. You’re majorly overstepping your boundaries here.
YTA. Sounds like you picked YOUR dream ring and didn't take your brothers partners taste into consideration at all. Did you even ask him her jewelry taste?
Also, some people don't like diamonds for ethical reasons. It's perfectly normal to pick a more ethical alternative.
He probably shared the examples and she overruled him and convinced him to get something else because "big sis knows best." He should be grateful she's still willing to marry into the family.
YTA. It's her ring, not yours. It doesn't matter how you think it should fit anyone's a style. I don't like classic styles myself. The stone & the price are definitely none of your business.
Why are you so involved in your brother's life?
You decided that your opinion of your future sister in law's ring is more valid than her own. This despite your brother agreeing to go with her to exchange it. You then told your brother that this makes her unsuitable and that he should dump her.
They are right. You should mind your business and stop being so rude. Your opinion on the ring means nothing, and the way you expressed it is beyond unacceptable. You are trying to turn your brother against his fiancé, and it is going to hurt your relationship with him long term. Even if they break up, you are showing contempt for his choices and opinions.
YTA. It sounds like you are mad she didn't like the ring you blessed and that you are taking it personally that she rejected your sage wisdom about how to select jewelry for life. You took way too much interest in selecting the ring, back off. I would be willing to bet you discouraged him from getting something that matched her taste in favor of your preference.
YTA. Plain and simple. She's the one wearing it so what business is it of yours? If she's happy and he's happy, why are you creating a fuss? They don't deserve it. Butt out!
YTA. Are you for real??? Plenty of people exchange the ring for one they prefer. Your brother should have paid closer attention to what she likes; she is the one who will be wearing it. As a side note... none of this is your business. And no. Not everyone likes the "classic" look. You sound jealous AF.
You need to stay out of their relationship. A lot of women have their own preference on rings... none of them care about how their future SIL thinks about it.
So, let them handle this and concentrate on your own life.
YTA. Both you and the brother.
The brother is the asshole for having CLEAR SIGNS AND EXAMPLES of what his fiancée wants, and then ignoring them completely. It's HER ring. She has a say in it!
Expecting her to be grateful for something that goes against what she asked for is incredibly entitled and selfish.
You're the asshole for being so judgemental. Your opinion on what is "in" and "classic" and "looks good" DOES. NOT. MATTER.
Stop meddling in their relationship. You're not the one getting married. They are. So butt out.
You don't have to wear that ring, your brother's fiance does. She sent him pictures of rings she liked, but he ignored that when ring shopping, and you apparently convinced your brother that your taste/opinion was right. And when she expressed her feelings about the ring, he did the right thing and exchanged it for something she preferred.
The cost of the new ring is not your business. Nor is the fact that they decided, as a couple, to exchange the original ring. If you want to maintain any relationship with your dear brother, back off and stop insisting that they do things your way.
Oh, and emerald cut diamonds are absolutely a classic style.
If she and your brother have solid enough communication for her to feel she could admit she preferred a different ring, that’s a good thing. They are both happy with her new ring and happily engaged.
You’re picking a battle where none is necessary.
You’re so closed minded and married to your own ideas. I hope your ideas are all you ever get married to.
She has to wear that ring her entire life.
She gets to choose the design.
You need to mind your business.
Holy moly, YTA for making her engagement ring (at the same price, they said) about YOU.
You're mad because she didn't like your choice of a ring? it has literally zero to do with you. Saying she "should be happy she at least got a proposal and a ring" sounds like there is something missing from your life that you're trying to fulfil through their engagement. It sounds like jealousy at play, and it's making you interfere and cause problems to disrupt the engagement, maybe without even being aware that this is what you're doing.
"You should be grateful you even got a ring/engagement" isn't the argument you think it is.
She can be happy about it while still preferring a different ring. It's not like she blindsided your brother either. She specifically told your brother what she wanted, and he went against it. That's not her fault. Your brother should have corrected his mistep, and he did. You're the only one offended here.
Info: what in the Alabama did I just read
You're bang out of order. Women are always told to speak up when they don't like their ring, since they're the one's that will have to wear it every day for the rest of their lives. You're just bitter she didn't like your choice and it's also clear from this post you don't like this woman. YTA.
Not everyone likes classic; you’re offended bc that’s your aesthetic.
It’s HER ring, not YOURS. Get over it!
YTA. Why is what you like more important than what she likes? It's not your ring! She has to wear it everyday, she gets to pick.
People exchange gifts all the time, there wouldn't be options if people didn't have preferences.
It's not ungrateful to be able to communicate with your partner and get what you both want.
What the fuck has her ring and his proposal got to do with you? His biggest mistake was taking you with him to choose it. I bet you not only invited yourself, but you also chose it
YTA for interfering in something absolutely nothing to do with you
YTA. It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Yep, YTA. Classic isn't her style and you brother knew that but you are steamrolling. Stay in your lane.
Yta. Not everyone likes classic rings. I sent my husband my style of ring and that's the style he got. I do not like diamonds. I don't like silver bands. It's MY preference and I'm the one who ultimately will be wearing it. If we had never have previously discussed it (like she did tell your brother) then I'd have shut my mouth and been happy anyways. There's nothing wrong getting someone THEIR preference just because you like a classic style. Mind your business.
YTA. He should have looked at rings with her, not you, he wasn’t proposing to you.
To say you can never go wrong with something only means you like it and you’d be ok with it
YTA, none of your business.
And yes, you can go wrong with a classic ring, some people think they're awful.
YTA - If your brother isn’t offended, why are you? It was nice that your brother included you in choosing the ring, but you chose poorly and the ring was exchanged. That’s it. The ring is for her, not you, so you need to get over it.
YTA - they had previously discussed what type of ring she would want. He bought something that she clearly did not like. She is the one who will be wearing the ring. Not everyone likes diamonds. She clearly didn’t want one. She wanted an emerald. This is really none of your business.
YTA. YOU didn’t buy the ring, and YOU don’t have to marry her. Further, she is well within her right as an autonomous person with her own opinions to have a say in what is arguably the most important piece of jewelry she’ll ever have. I don’t see how this effects you in any way whatsoever.
As a fellow proud owner of a huge emerald stone engagement ring, YTA. Also, don't worry, it matches everything.
My ring is a black diamond with a white diamond halo. Not at all “classic” but still goes with everything. I love it. It fits *my* style, which is important considering I plan on wearing it for the rest of my life. You’re right, op is TA
YTA. Why are you trying to live your brothers life? Get over yourself. Your brother is also the AH for ignoring his now fiancé's style since he ignored it when ring shopping with you. Your brother was fine with exchanging it for something that the fiancé preferred, which she had sent pictures before purchasing the classic ring. You don't get to control your brother which I get you were trying to do with the information in this post. Keep going and you are going to be cut out of their lives completely.
Seems like your brother values your opinion and took your suggestions onboard, instead of going with what his gf likes.
Stay out of it. It isn't your ring. It isn't your relationship. Why do you think you get a say? If your brother is happy, then what's the problem? This is between them.
Not everyone likes "classic" styles and they don't go with "everything." I wouldn't want to wear a ring that I didn't like and didn't match my style.
It's also the same price - she's not greedy. Not sure why you don't believe them about the price. Considering it's not a another diamond, it's most likely a similar price.
Kudos to your brother for realizing he was TA for not taking her likes into consideration. If you want to have a good relationship with your brother, take a couple of steps backs and let him be.
YTA. Are you the ring police? You clearly selected something that was to your taste. It is absolutely NONE of your business what was spent on that ring. Your brother was given pictures of the types of rings she would like and then it sounds like you bullied him into getting something that YOU liked. Not your ring. Not your business.
Your opinion is absolutely worthless here. YTA
>she should be happy she at least got a proposal and a ring.
YTA and it sounds like you are jealous.
It's not your business, and it's her ring. If she didn't like it and wanted to change it and he was ok with that, then it was none of your business. Sounds like you have some other issues with this person to give such an extreme suggestions. Not everyone perceives things as YOU do, so when you realize that it's best to stop talking.
YTA... It isn't your engagement, stop trying to make it about you. Your brother should have acknowledged her style when she's been obvious about it. And there is no need for you to get offended over her not liking your choice. Stop poisoning your brother's mind over such trivial matters.
This is none of your business really. I can tell you that classic is not a “one size fits all” thing. I personally hate classic rings and find them incredibly cliche and boring. I would tell my fiancé about the rings I like in advance so this wouldn’t happen. Seems she did just that but yo brother either ignored it or went with what you influenced the choice with. Stay out of it.
You brother is not marrying you..get off your nose out of their business..
I really don't understand people getting surprise rings for their partners but then on top of that taking with them other women so their fiancee can wear a ring the other women like ( anybody mom, friend and here sister)
Like just take her
And you sister better apologize or its gonna be weird
She wasn't ungrateful, my gawd OP get off your high horse. She is entitled to her likes and dislikes, given that she conveyed these to your brother before he went to get the ring she had expectations of what she'd be getting. Would you rather her be disappointed just so you're happy? YTA.
YTA… what you like is not important here… it’s what your brothers fiancé wants that’s important. Why should she have a ring that she doesn’t like? Your brother is right he should have bought the other ring first. My DH would have had me in rose gold with an amethyst stone if it were up to him instead of the sapphire and diamond ring I wanted. What you did was rude not the fiancé.
It's your behavior that is unacceptable.
This is not your situation to control. Stop trying to.
She's allowed to have preferences that don't align with yours. She's allowed to not like something you do.
They, the two people in the relationship, are fine with their situation. You don't get to decide for them that they have a problem.
YTA YOU have him buy a ring YOU liked and you wanted her to wear it. You are not your brothers SO and she doesn't have to like the ring you probably talked your brother into. Honestly this is coming off controlling to me because you think he should drop her because she isn't wearing the ring you chose for her. Sounds like you don't like her so it makes me wonder how ugly the ring really was.
YTA. It’s sounds more like you’re personally offended your future SIL’s ring tastes didn’t align with yours. None of this is your business and your brother is happy, leave it alone.
You are not the one wearing it.
YTA. You're weirdly controlling about what another woman should and shouldn't wear. Double AH for still making it a thing after your brother said he was ok with it. So at this point you're just doing it for you, which makes you self-centered :). Their engagement is not about you, love.
YTA. Mind your own business. Your brother is fine with swapping the ring to one she prefers. You going on and on about it is a complete AH move.
YTA. My fiancé picked out my ring with his sister, and it is NOT my style at all. (Even though we talked about my preferences prior, it turns out he bought it before we started talking about rings.) He said I could get another one, but in the end I decided to keep it.
However, if his sister told him I shouldn’t marry him just because my style isn’t the same as hers, I’d be SO hurt!!!! Like to the point where it would really damage my relationship with my future sister-in-law. It’s not her ring, it’s not her engagement, it’s not her relationship, and it’s not her place. Also it speaks nothing to the health of our relationship that we have different jewelry styles!
Sounds like your brother’s fiancé was gracious and didn’t make him feel bad or force him to pay more, and it sounds like they’re both happy to be engaged, so I seriously don’t see what your problem is…
YTA. None of your concern
YTA---and not only that, but you are judgy!
YTA - Your opinion of her engagement ring does not matter. Full stop.
Definitely TA. People can have some say in what they want to have on their finger for the rest of their life. And she even told your brother what she does and doesn’t like, and he ignored it.
Sounds like you’re just a little upset she doesn’t like what you picked out.
YTA...Until you're ruler of the universe, it's best to mind your own business.
She’s marrying your brother (unless he takes your ridiculous breakup suggestion seriously), not you. Your preferences and values don’t matter in this situation. It was kind of you to help your brother shop; I know a lot of guys who’ve taken a sister or lady friend to help with the process, but that’s where your involvement ends. You did your best, it didn’t align with her ring goals, no harm no foul. That wasn’t her personal rejection of you or your taste.
Mind your own business...YTA
YTA. Not your ring, you aren't going to wear it, you aren't the one marrying the fiance.
Now, you may like the ring you picked, you may think it's generic/classic enough as a safe choice etc. But it's not rude when her and your brother discuss it and change it. It's no rude whether it was more expensive or cheaper. It's not rude that it's an emerald in stead of a more classic (Or some would say typical and expected) diamond.
It was nice of you to help him pick something. It's no nice of you to go off and act high an mighty like she's ungrateful. Even if she'd pitched a fit at the time he proposed you'd still be in the wrong. It sounds like she handled things with grace and style, is grateful and raised things with your brother privately, nicely and they decided to go change it.
What about this makes YOU personally offended? It's rude that you're inserting yourself into the issue and weird, like you think she's rejected your choice. Guess what, people like different things, that's all. It's nothing personal from her but it seems you're taking it that way.
If she factually told him what kind of rings she liked before with pictures then you and your brother are the ones in the wrong here.
Think about it like this, if you're taking a math test and teach says solves the equation using *this* method and you chose not too. 9/10 times u get the wrong answer and lose points. Same principle here.
YTA. Diamonds are not the only stone for marriages. He should have asked her what stones and styles she preferred prior to even shopping. Just because your tastes are different that’s no reason why they should break off the engagement. Sounds like you are butt hurt that his fiancée didn’t like your ring choice.
I stopped reading after seeing so many “we” lady it’s not your ring, your husband, wedding, nor marriage!!!! She deserves to get what she wants and not what you want!!!! Please go back and get that og ring and wear it yourself!! YTA
YTA- not even your business. back off. Not every girl likes classic rings and if your bro already had been shown what she likes and he was fine swapping it, that is between them.
YTA, she's gonna wear that every single day, she should get a ring she likes!
You are not the ring police.
Yeah, YTA. Judge much. You sound more like a narcissistic MIL than his sister.
YTA, and you sound jealous. You picked something that suited your style. Go find a partner to go with the ring
YTA. It’s none of your gd business. She has a certain style and this is something she’s going to wear for the rest of her life. She didn’t “shamelessly” admit anything. She spoke up and told the truth when asked. It’s also none of your business how much it cost. If I were your brother, I would be mortified at my sibling involving herself and “shamelessly” berating my fiancé.
YTA, not your business. And she is allowed to have a different taste than you.
You’re crying over spilled milk. I can understand being a little bit offended if I’d helped pick out a ring and it wound up being returned/exchanged. There’s no reason to be offended to the point of voicing your concerns. This woman will (hopefully) live with this ring for the rest of her life and pass it on to the next generation of her family. She deserves to have what she likes.
If all goes well, your brother will be married to this woman for a long time. Pick your battles sparingly.
Wow, you realize diamonds are just well marketed? Like that’s all debeers… I can’t imagine what you would think of my Celtic design with tanzanite ring… so judgmental… I bet you even steered your brother away from the designs she sent him. It’s for her not you, let it be something she likes YTA and so controlling…
Wheeewww how about backing off? YTA
It's literally NOTHING to do with you or what you think is classic.
Bye 👋 🤣🙈
It’s not unreasonable for her to want a piece of jewelry she wears everyday to suit her style. She provided examples to her partner of what should like like and he ignored them.
This is a super weird thing for you to have an opinion on. Your brother is a grown man, he can deal with his relationship himself.
Breaking up with your life partner bc they didn’t want to wear something they don’t like forever is a red flag on YOU.
Also, a lot of those “classic” rings are ugly.
Sooooo, you picked out the ring you wanted/liked. Even though your brother had discussions and PICTURES of the type of ring his fiancee preferred. She's the one that has to wear it. What's the problem? Where is gratitude lacking in this scenario? Fortunately, it appears that your brother is not a selfish jerk and is open to communication and consideration for his fiancee.
Honestly, they should have gone ring shopping together. YTA mind your own business.
INFO: Why does it bother YOU that HER ring that SHE wears won’t match every occasion?
YTA. It's nice that you helped him go ring shopping, but she is the person wearing the ring every day and if they had conversations before he purchased the ring about it, he should have kept those in mind when shopping with you. It's not your ring and if you don't like it, so what? You've said your peace, apologize for forcing the issue and move on.
Yta- u r so far out of ur lane it’s ridiculous! If she sent photos, they talked about it. Therefore ur bro should have used the info he had to buy a ring she would like. This is between them. U have no dog in this fight
YTA keep your nose out of their business. Her preference is not a personal insult to your ring choice.
YTA. Mind your business
If she sent Fotos of the style she liked I understand her disappointment. She has to wear it not you.And if it was the same price I don’t understand the problem.
Furthermore it’s none of your business
Real diamonds are insanely unethical and I can't respect anyone my age who wants or wears them.
Ignoring her completely and trying to force a diamond on her is gross.
YTA - it's their relationship, not yours. It sounds like you love your brother very much and you don't want him to end up being hurt. In the end, it's his decision and all you can do is sit back and watch. You can tell your brother your thoughts, but don't tell him he should end his engagement.
YTA my now husband and I went ring shopping together. He knew the jeweler. The jeweler brought us to a display of discounted rings that had been returned. I asked if that meant they were from called off engagements. He said, “No, they’re from brides who had different tastes and asked for their engagement ring to be exchanged from what they received.” It’s EXTREMELY common. Plus emeralds can be cheaper than diamonds depending on the size.
**YTA.** It's not your business! Get over it dude.
YTA. Why are so many of these “am I the asshole for involving myself in a family members relationship that has nothing to do with me?” Unless you’re worried your family member is being abused the answer is yes you’re the asshole.
I spent two months doing nothing but looking for engagement rings. I contacted friends we never see anymore who had a knowledge of my fiancee's taste, they also dislike the classic cuts. They wanted a ring with my birthstone in it so I spent forever looking for one. I got a set because sometimes they like flashy, sometimes they like simple, so they can decide what they're feeling. Ultimately a lot of things went into play to make sure it was their favorite thing, and instead of listening to her suggestions your brother listened to you. So, he fixed it when he realized that he should've listened to her. This is her ring, they mean a lot. She deserves to love her ring.