By - Dragonian014
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i have a similar problem !! all my friendships are very superficial bc i only let them see the very tip of the iceberg. they only have a vague image of who i am bc it’s all i let them see.
i think the first essential step (for both of us) would be to let people in. for example, for me, it means being more “personal.” it means talking more about ME and not just being this dumb wall that only exists to listen. people can’t form a connection with me bc i present myself as this void. they don’t have anything to identify with. they don’t have anything to interact with. you can’t form a real relationship with a wall.
i obviously don’t know how you present yourself to others, but are people able to see YOU?
as for the last part, yeah !!! i would rly recommend branching out to people with similar interests! see if the city you live in has a reddit or whatever-social-media where they post local events !! having a similar interest is a very good icebreaker ฅ(‗• ·̫ •‗ฅ)
That's a solid advice, thank you
Damn, friend. You have very similar sentiments to my own on most levels, but I have given up on a romantic, monogamous relationship because I’ve seen all the ones around me fail or end up filled with unspoken hatred.
So let’s start off with friends, right? They’re easy to make and hard to maintain in the long run. When making these friends, the easiest way to make them is to just keep asking questions and keep the conversation focused on them. When YOU say things, you say things you’re not afraid of being repeated to other people inside of this specific environment, including things about yourself. Expect things you say to reach people you didn’t say them to (and possibly in a different manner than you said them- correct this shit when you hear it immediately if it misrepresents you). Feel out people and how they talk- what they heard from who and how what things were said, because that reflects you IF you don’t feel it out. People loooove to talk, especially about themselves in a positive way, or about others if they’re being viewed negatively and need to deflect attention from themselves.
The issue is what you tell other people. It’s so easy to fall into the habit of saying what’s on your mind, but it’s also so easy to feel differently about what’s on your mind. For me, I think about what I’m going to say and who I’m going to say it to before it comes out of my mouth, because I think a lot more bluntly than I say. If I don’t want something passed from me in a word-of-mouth manner somehow going to someone I should talk to, I won’t say it to someone else. It’s always better coming from me and how I mean it, after I’m not so mad/distraught/whatever about it.
Romantic love? I got no clue. I have only failed or been disappointed by it to the point of giving up. I think it’s beyond me now… I don’t trust anyone to love me as much as I love them, to the point I never love anyone anymore. Sounds sad, I know, but I don’t feel that way about it. I hope you have more positive aspirations of love because I’m over it!
>Romantic love? I got no clue. I have only failed or been disappointed by it to the point of giving up. I think it’s beyond me now… I don’t trust anyone to love me as much as I love them, to the point I never love anyone anymore. Sounds sad, I know, but I don’t feel that way about it. I hope you have more positive aspirations of love because I’m over it!
I've always thought about this not as "want want someone who will love me more then I love them" but as "what to know someone I like enough to just throw away my love there". But then, I'll never find this person specifically because no one will ever live to my expectations, so I get stuck in the same problem of "I can't love anyone because I can't say if they deserve it" in a way.
I believe that you can have all of the things that you want.
You described all of the things that you want in a relationship: someone to love you, make you feel loved, take care of your health when you can’t, cheer you up, etc., (i.e., your needs). Now, just imagine that the other person in your relationship wants certain things too, (i.e., their needs). You both have needs. You have to give that person what they want/need, so that they feel inspired to give you what you want/need. You both have to be givers to each other.
This means that you have to start extending yourself for the benefit of this other person.
How do you start? Start by learning how to be a giver. Tune into another person’s needs. Call and check on them regularly, seeking nothing in return other than making sure that they’re ok. Practice “tuning in” on friends. Practice trusting your friend with little things before moving onto bigger things. Maybe share something about yourself with a friend that they don’t know about you. Trust them with your confidence. Or, ask for a favor and trust them to fulfill it.
It sounds like you’re very clear on what you want. Now, practice on being flexible enough to give the person who walks into your life what they want. You won’t know what that is until they tell you, but if you work on breaking down your resistance and being a generous giver, you’ll stand poised to give them what they want.
Good luck to you.