By - jimmers24
We've switched back and forth over the (26) years on who has to get up first and the late sleeper has always enjoyed taking advantage of the opportunity to stay In bed.
On days where neither of us work my wife is almost always the first one up. I'm not a morning person and if she were to try to make me into one I would resent her for it.
I just woke up and I can hear her doing stuff in the kitchen. I'm currently browsing Reddit and debating on whether or not I should get up to start prepping Thanksgiving dinner or going back to sleep for a while.
Depends on your wife and how old your kids are. I definitely would not want to wake up at 6 just to have breakfast unless I had to... Not everyone is a morning person and you are home in the afternoon/evening. You could always ask if she could surprise you one morning, but I wouldn't wake up at 6 every morning, or even regularly as it would throw off my day. (I have to wake up at 630, because kids. So I would wake up a little early for a partner..but if I didn't get woken up so early by kids anyway, I wouldn't drastically change my wake up time just to watch my partner get ready and eat some food...).
Yeah, my point was that it hasn’t happened in 15 years.
It seems like there’s a lot of Meatloaf around:
“I would do anything for love… but I won’t do that” (get up an hour earlier just one time)
So why would you suddenly expect that to change now? It's been 15 years. You can always ask. Seems like you want to be appreciated Which you need to communicate.
Waking up at 6:00am would ruin the rest of my day.
My wife is like you, she wakes at 5am every morning and goes for a run or works out in our home gym for an hour or two. I've gotten up early with her a few times for specific reasons, but it means I'm exhausted for the rest of the day and after a few hours of being exhausted I end up in a bad mood and will probably start crying.
I can't be my best self if I'm so tired that I'm mentally impaired.
No. Ofcourse not. We spend all our free time together but we respect each others sleep. We both dont want the other to get up and make breakfast when they can sleep.
You will survive the Lonely mornings and you can make your own breakfast. Why does she have to make it for you? You can have breakfast together in the weekends.
Nothing like being told “you can make your own breakfast” when I’ve made it almost every day of my adult life. This isn’t about practical needs. Maybe my wife has made my breakfast three times over our marriage? I’ve cooked her hundreds of breakfasts so please drop the sanctimony.
And she sleeps in on the weekends. Do you want to ask her why she “needs” to sleep in on the weekends?
But why do you need her to make breakfast? If she does does it feel like she cares for you more? When she gives up her sleep to make you breakfast does it show she is willing to do stuff for you and loves you more?
Because it might feel like that but it doesn't have to be the case. You can also say you care for her by making your own breakfast and let her sleep in.
I love to cook his favorite meal in the evening. Tonight is soccer night, my country plays at the world cup tonight. My partner absolutely loves a certain dutch meal. We both have to work all day. I work from home so when we got up I have made us coffee. He left en in my lunch break I will prepare this meal so we can watch soccer and eat in the evening when he comes home. I love doing this for him. But I have adhd and mornings are always a fight for me. Making coffee for both of us is oke but I dont want to be cooking breakfast when I just opened my eyes. My partner on the other hand is a lot better in morning. So in the weekends he will cook me some eggs or something and I will tell him how much I appreciate him doing that for me so I can just start my day slowly. We both like to do things for each other but we do the things we can do and we are both never expected to do so.
Does your wife do different things for you? Sweet little things just because she loves you? For me its cooking my partners favorite meal in my lunch break because although it will cost me my lunch break I know he will be totally happy to ight and tell me I am the best partner ever. But if he wanted breakfast in the morning I couldnt provide that for him. Thats to much for me in the morning. Thats more than I can give.
The problem seems to be that you dont feel appreciated. You work hard for your family and thats a big thing. Providing for your family alone while she stays at home for the childeren is a big responsibility on your shoulders. Ofcourse taking care of the kids and cleaning the house is also a big responsibility but the thing is we humans always make what we do bigger in our heads .. you should both appreciate the other. Your wife should be proud of you. I am a working woman and working is hard sometimes. You deserve a pet on your shoulder and your wife telling you how much she appreciates it. Because that really is a big thing you do for you family. You should pet her on the shoulder to for making sure you dont have to worry about the house and the kids and its all taken care off. That is also a big thing.
Maybe for you the breakfast things feels like she appraciates you more. But is it really about the breakfast? If she is not a morning person this shouldnt be a thing when she does different things for you. If she doesn't you might want to talk with her about appreciation. Without blaming her. She might appreciate you and think she is showing that to you but you dont feel it. If thats the case you should look to appreciate each other more. Do tiny things for each other.
Being married and having childeren is hard. There is a lot of (mental) work load for both of you. (Well my partner and I both work so thats even more work). Sometimes it feels like its really to much but you only keep going to maintain your family. Its even harder if you dont feel appreciated. If you have to go to work every day and your wife doesn't seem to appreciate it why should you do it? Its the same when she cleans the whole home and deals with the childeren that are really difficult that day and when you get home you dont appreciate it. Thing is life is a lot easier when we feel loved and appreciated. You should both take some time and talk to each other how you can show more love and appreciation for each other without blaming it. Because she probably thinks she shows it to you but you dont feel it. Making breakfast is just one thing. But if she is not a morning person you can just think : she is probably tired of her day at home with the kids... I will make breakfast myself so she can be more relaxed. As long as she shows it in other ways.
Thank you for this thoughtful reply and for sharing these gems (appreciation).
I posted this query about breakfast because I’m reevaluating my marriage and there’s lots of little things that I’ve never questioned before. I suppose I’m a data driven person and I’m wanting to “compare” my marriage to others. But in my heart I already know that I want more. I’m tired of making do with crumbs. We both deserve better.
You leave BEFORE 6:30 so you want her to wake up in the 5 o'clock hour to make you breakfast?! The idea of her having to sacrifice sleep so you don't have do your morning routine alone is kind of ridiculous.
You could view them as "lonely mornings" or you could view them as "me time"- make whatever you want for yourself, read a few pages of a good book, do a soduko puzzle, etc.
Lol, she doesn’t need to get up at 5 AM! It doesn’t take long to put toast in the toaster. I’d just be happy if she sat with me once in a while.
My husband annoys me to wake up early together with him so that we have breakfast together before work. I oblige 80% of the time because I believe eating times is "family time" and important to both of us. Cooking him a meal depends on my mood if I'm not so groggy but if not he's just happy to have me for company and he makes himself a simple sandwich.
I think its important to slot these times. I know an elder couple like this too. Its a time to bond. We have alllll our meals together. The days he works early are just 2 days a week and unless there's something on like an outing I think only 2 meals a week we do separately.
I am a stay at home wife, no kids yet (hopefully soon!), and I wake up early with my husband everyday to make him coffee and spend time with him. I love making breakfast for him but I don’t very often on work days because he’s in a rush. Neither of us are big breakfast people but it makes me day to spend a little time with him in the morning. I know I’m incredibly fortunate to have a(n) (amazing!) husband supports me staying home so waking up early is totally worth it for me.
Depends on the ages of the kids and when they wake up. When I was up in the middle of the night nursing, no way could I have been able to get out of bed at 6:30.
Now we both work, but he leaves an hour before I do. I see him before he leaves, but I'm not waking up an hour early. I have insomnia, so waking up at 6am would mean I only get 4-5 hours of sleep. I need at least 6 hours to function.
I think you're asking for a lot here. If she hasn't done it in 15 years my guess is that there's a reason (not a morning person, doesn't want to eat that early, needs her sleep, something). How much time are you asking her to put in to spend 15-20 minutes with you at 6 am? Do you even have that additional time for breakfast in the morning? Im the early riser in my relationship and that sounds miserable. When I had to leave that early for work, I'd grab my coffee and eat something on the train or in the car.
I don’t just “grab and go”. I sit down to breakfast for 15 minutes - I am never sure when I’ll get another chance to eat.
So I’m at SAHM for the time being. We have a 7 yr old who I make a quick breakfast and get ready for school in the mornings. My husband primarily works from home, so when I return I’ll make breakfast for him if he wants. When I was working he had to fend for himself. I think the reason we can do breakfast together is just the way we’re set up with me as a SAHM and him being WFH. Otherwise it’s the weekends.
That’s a nice setup
My husband and I are both up early because I stay at home with my 1 year old.. when he starts school.. I’m gonna sleep in. I won’t feel bad about it either. My husbands gotta get up for work, him & my son can eat breakfast together and maybe he can bring him to school while I sleep until 9 or something. Maybe I’ll feel different then but I’m sure I’ll be even more exhausted by then.
Yeah, sleep is pretty damn important
Pretty much every morning I work 8-5 most days wife works evenings makes child care easy. I get up shower, make breakfast for the family then wake up wife depending if son is awake get him up plus dog get his morning egg as well
Have you told her this and asked her? I’m not a morning person but if my husband expressed this need to me, I would gladly oblige him a day or two a week.
Have you ever told her you’d like her to get up early with you? To be honest, that’s not something that would ever occur to me to do for my husband. I am not a morning person, and I’ve never gotten up with him or made him breakfast.