By - Sophim1
I know it's not much consolation, but if that's how he feels, you're better off without him.
Sounds like a shallow prick. Says nothing about you and everything about him. Thank God you found out early. Break it off. He is evidently incapable of supporting you. Selfish asshat.
For the record, I'm a man, I've suffered sexual abuse.
You'll get over it with time, age and work. Be light on your feet. You have a choice. Let it consume you or make you stronger. Believe in you. <3
Im sorry you had to go through that. At least two of my ex boyfriends had been sexually assaulted as children, and off the top of my head, I can think of at least three male friends who have been open about their childhood abuse as well. Never in a MILLION years would I tell them I was disgusted by their experience. What kind of psychopath says something like that? I cannot fathom receiving that sort of information and being angry at the victim because you don’t want to have to hear about it.
I had one ex boyfriend who said that he “didn’t see me the same” when I discussed some non consensual situations I had been put into in my past and honestly that was pretty much the point where the relationship became dead in the water, although it took him endangering my life and then trying to have sex with me while he thought I was unconscious for me to actually dump his stupid ass. It really pisses me off that he “couldn’t look at me the same” because of what someone else did to me, but he was fine trying to do it himself just a couple months later.
Sorry. Just venting.
I hope OP finds a better man, someone who can be supportive of her healing journey and nurturing/patient while she processes her trauma.
Edit: extra word
I’m sorry you went through that, people like your ex deserve to be treated how they treat others
So disgusting , we need to create a better world by only procreating with emotionally intelligent and generally intelligent men.
Edit: highly empathetic men
Correction. People. Plenty of unintelligent low EQ women out there as well.
Intelligent people often reproduce less because they have self control and think before they do things, they see the meaningless in life and would rather not create another rather intelligent individual with the same foresight and mental capabilities...sure it's not a universal thing and some handle their mortality better, but yeah
This movie is so good and correct in that thought process.
>I opened up to my boyfriend about childhood sexual abuse and he told me he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.
It sounds like OP is in a mentally abusive relationship.
I second this.
Source: Am also male sexual assault victim
Yeah, the fact that so many people suffer trauma doesn't diminish any one person's experience. He is an asshat, clearly!
I'm sorry for both you and the OP. No one should have to go through that experience.
OP your boyfriend doesn't deserve you. He's the ugly one, not you. I hope you see that soon. You just keep being you.
I had a similar experience. I told a boyfriend and he said he was upset that I wasn’t a virgin. He always pictured himself marrying a virgin…
It made me feel like I would never be good enough for anyone. We eventually broke up and I am 1000 times better off without him.
Guarantee he wasn't a virgin. What a creep!
Exactly! Move on, OP! There are a good guys out there too!
There are 100% good guys out there. I told my bf (now husband) about the sexual abuse that happened to me as a child, and he held me and said he was so incredibly sorry and that he's here for me. Your ex is a giant douche canoe. Fr, fuck that guy.
Say fuck him by refusing to fuck him anymore, OP. The man is an arse and doesn’t deserve you
Refuse to....? You mean dump him permanently I hope?
Yes of course
Douche canoe.....saving that one 🤣
Agreed. I dated a girl for years that was raped on a daily basis by her mom’s live-in boyfriend from the ages of 6-12. When she turned 12 she got really really tall, and he was no longer interested in “spending time” with her. This fucked her head up in addition to the abuse. Regardless, I listened, tried to avoid bringing anything up that might be a trigger, and stuck around for years even though I wanted to leave (not because of the abuse, but compatibility) because I was worried about the stability of her mental state. Wish I had some of that time back, but it was my decision to stick around and be there for her. She still hits me up even though she’s married with 2 kids. I just tell her each time that “I’m always here for you if you need anything, but I cannot be in your life in a romantic capacity.” We’ve been broken up for 9 years.
Yes, narcissism breeds abuse too. His behaving in that fashion is emotional abuse in and of itself.
Get away from him/her, find a great therapist that specializes in treatment of sexual abuse. Learn to cope with your past now, it will make all the difference in YOUR future.
You can heal, allow yourself to grieve the experience you have been through.
He/SHE will always be a sorry asshole. ☠🤡
I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt. You are among friends
This is exactly what I came here to say. Thank you, stranger. Sending all my best to you as well.
Yes, best answer. the guy sounds like a narcissistic fuck and he will never have any empathy.
Another male here who has been a victim of sexual abuse as a child as well. I agree with this 100%. People do heal differently, but anyone who is willing to be "turned off" by their partner for something traumatic that happened to them just shows they truly don't care about their partner.
OP's partner doesn't care, and sounds like someone who is trying to blame victims for what happened to them because so many people have these "stories". He sounds like he would rather be a problem than be a solution, and people like that need to leave their relationships. They are clearly not right for someone who suffered trauma.
Holy shit, this. HE is tired that the girls he dates have been sexually abused?! How fucking dare he.
He sounds like an abuser, honestly.
That's what I was thinking too. No other reason for that kind of reaction unless he's an abuser himself.
Seriously, OP, you'll be so much better without him.
I hijacked this comment so I can share something in hopes that the OP will see it better.
I also experienced sexual abuse as a child and have been raped as a teenager, twice. You'll find someone who is disgusted about what happened to you and will build you up so you can start healing from it.
When I met my husband, I told him flat out, from the beginning what my past was and what my traumas are. He comforted me and said he couldn't imagine what I've been through and it made him sick when I gave some minor details but he didn't leave, he still has sex with me and has always been understanding when the memories float back in and I'm struggling.
Not all men will be like this shitty guy, I promise you, OP. You'll find someone who doesn't care about your past and will help you and reassure you that what happened isn't your fault and that it doesn't change their opinion of you.
You deserve so much better and you will find someone so much better.
100%. He’s not worth the stress or negative thoughts. He lacks empathy, no spine/strength to help a loved one deal with trauma and is clearly selfish. Unless you value these horrible traits, you dodged a bullet. Any man worth being with and that truly cares for you, would thank you for sharing that very personal information and then ask how they can help. Not saying they can help, this might be something you will have to heal from on your own, but he can still offer to be there for you.
I'm over here wondering how this douche is going to treat a possible daughter he might have if one day in her future she has the nerve to get abused. Let's hope it never comes to any of that, but still...I can't help but wonder....🤔
OP has dodged a fucking bullet.
Agreed, he must be one of those guys who think that if a woman opens up about sexual abuse, she must be lying. OP, consider this a blessing in disguise. A man who truly loves you won’t see you as damaged or be less attracted to you for what happened.
Came here to say this.
Bingo. Sounds like she dodged a huge bullet.
Oh yeah, great riddance. So many healthier options to chose from. Riddance can't be bad
His dick turned off? Was it even on? because he definitely has no balls.
I don’t know how to make my comment seen because there are so many comments so I’ll post it up top and hope it gets to as many as possible.
I’m so shocked by how many responses I am getting. Thank you so much to you all.
I’ve felt so alone in this experience because who he is behind closed doors is completely opposite to who he is in public. I’ve felt like my experience is totally invalid because no one would believe or expect him to be such a nasty person. I’ve felt so alone. All of your comments have made me feel seen and understood and reassured that I’m ok. I can’t say thank you enough ❤️
i have run into people/men like this. RUN. he is not treating you like a human. he is on an ego trip and you’re a pawn in his fucked interpretations of the world. i’ll bet money that he is controlling and abusive in other ways, or that he become so. this is a reason to break up. do not fucking stay with this man!!! ive been through this game with people, it always ends im abuse.
This is classic narcissistic behavior.
I was a pawn, NO LONGER. I hold my own place in this world now. I'm confident and able to strongly stand up for myself. This will come to you, GET COUNSELING ASAP. Don't waste time looking over your shoulder.
A pattern of abusive treatment from others is common, and narcissists pick up on weaknesses of others quickly, don't be a VICTIM anymore. Step away from all forms of ABUSE, it all dies long-term damage. Be at peace.
Edit: does not dies, though you would like to do that 🤣
Finally someone said a very important thing. GET into therapy. The fact that he upset you and made you feel ashamed means you haven't healed. One of the hardest things for us women to do is get therapy because we even feel ashamed on our own. There are newer ways therapists can help. One is called. EMDR.. It helps. Look it up.It helped me Find a mature female therapist who is trained in this type of therapy. I truly hope you find yourself and happiness.
Without some kind of therapy I feel OP will fall back in line with this douche canoe. Even if he SAYS no, I understand, when he clearly does NOT!
(Yay) I got a perfect place to use douche canoe..
My ex is like this. Everyone thought I was crazy for leaving. "He's such a great guy!" Umm nope and fu*ck you for not believing me. Some friends (or family) aren't really your friends or on your side no matter what they pretend.
I’m not an expert, but mine definitely has narcissistic traits. Great guy on the surface but once you get below that…woof…:(
Yeah. I think most of us have one or two of those. I’m just glad I don’t have more than that. That’s enough bs for one lifetime and then some.
The more people call someone "great",the worse it gets...
I'm sorry about your experience but that's great you said it's ex. You got out of that situation!
Lovely, he’s trash. I feel a deep need to respond directly to you in hopes of you actually seeing my message.
I’ve experienced COCSA, multiple counts of SA by adults to me as a minor, and rape on more than one account.
You’re not broken, dirty, gross, wrong, repulsive, disgusting, trash, or any of the negative things you may be thinking about yourself due to his reaction and your own traumas. I’m so, so, so, so sorry that you had to go through what you did. You **never** deserve someone’s reaction to your most personal traumas to be like this.
His reaction is what’s repulsive here, not you or your trauma. One day you will find a man who is much more caring and compassionate towards you and your traumas.
I hope you find peace and healing ❤️
As another survivor of CSA, I just want to co-sign this.
As a person that has also been sexually abused as a child, he can simply *°☆~ fuck off *°☆~. You don't need him OP. You will find a partner that loves you, past and all. And will understand you. I have suffered with the mentality that no one can love a damaged person like me. And I still do. But we have to remind ourselves that it's not our faults. And we'll struggle to heal (I still can't kiss someone without freaking out), but we'll get there. You are not alone and he is a garbage human being for saying that to you. Move on and find someone worth your time.
He's despicable.. 99% of guys out there wouldn't think of having that reaction. Find one of those instead. I'm happy for you to find out that he wasn't the one for you, even if you don't feel like that right now... but eventually you will and you will also be glad for it!
Truth, most guys are great and hate the behaviors of their sexists, cruel friends. I've crawled a few friends for their brutish comments. Most of them just don't think BEFORE they open their mouths.
Your post is spot on except: the 99%. Who do you think are abusing all of these girls/woman? Or is it because boy/men don't care that woman and children are being abused so they don't have a reaction like this?
Also- was that story supposed to turn his dick on?! Tf?? Why did his dick have any reaction?
Imagine having think outside you and your dick? I think that was just too hard for him.
Edit; changed dock to dick
Maybe he is an abuser himself, that turns him on, but when he hears someone telling a story about abuse his dick turns off(because abusers don’t like their victims tell the story because they will be caught). So it was like they feel offended if they hear another abuse’s story.
This should be seen by everyone here. Take my upvote! And my imaginary awards 🌟
Oooooh, good point!
Take my poor man’s gold🥇🥇🥇
Not that this is definitely the case but I think it’s definitely safe to assume this is the case, just in case, you know? Like it’s not that big a jump and you’re better safe than sorry, normal people don’t react like this so there has to be SOMETHING fucked up about him so it’s probably best to act on the assumption he’s an abuser
Exactly, or he is a weird guy or he is hiding something… A lot of bad people they don’t consider themselves as bad, but when they hear someone doing a bad thing like they did, they feel angry.
This would not surprise me if that were the case.
Yeah, it would be interesting if OP gave more details about his behavior
You should feel repulsed by him. He's disgusting for having that attitude and is part of the problem. I hope you can heal from your sexual trauma and say good bye to him because he's gross.
I could never imagine being with someone as inconsiderate and disgusting as him. There is a major problem if he has that attitude against abuse, and it definitely is enough reason to breakup and never look back.
He is repulsed because he is a misogynist. He can't handle the fact that a woman is a normal human being, with a past and experiences. She isn't just a means to his satisfaction anymore. He's deeply misogynistic.
This is the real answer. This dude thinks he can control this situation in his favor, and doesn't know he can be judged in return.
Judge the fuck out of him, OP. He's earned it.
OP should warn other people, honestly. I worry this man doesn’t respect consent if he’s shaming a victim of sexual assault. OP may have just saved themself from a present/future predator. If he shames OP into thinking sharing their experiences with assault is wrong, then how would OP ever feel comfortable enough to report future assaults?
This whole thing is worrisome as heck. OP needs out pronto.
Gross is in understatement 🤮
So just to clarify he's annoyed that every other girl has a sexual abuse story but not annoyed with the fact that THAT MANY WOMEN have been sexually assaulted?! I hope his turned off dick turns green and falls off.
I'm sorry he's put you through this and I know this is a cliche but it's definitely not you. It's him. Better to know now than down the line after more time wasted on this moron.
Seems like the kind of guy who would defend until death a friend that abused women.
Definitely the 'she shouldn't have been drinking, look what she was wearing and Dave's an upstanding guy, she obviously at fault' type guy. Better off without him. Run like the wind.
His name is actually Dave 😂👍🏼
Drop a pin…. I’m DISGUSTED NOT HIM
Don’t tease us, full name, address, and mothers phone number pleeeeeaase (/s for legal reasons)
“Harvey Weinstein never raped me so it can’t be true”. Great Quentin, thanks for that take.
He defends strangers also. He's an enabler. Big time.
I bet if he met the 10% of girls who don’t have such a story then he’d hate them for, I don’t know, being unhappy about bad weather or their messed up haircut or a friend dying, how dare people have problems. Bet this guy whines about stuff constantly, but that’s okay of course!
I often got in trouble for such little things. How my voice sounded croaky on the phone, how I dished up my dinner, when I asked how to turn on his gas stove cause I’d weirdly never used a gas stove before, when I said I was a bit worried he wouldn’t like the soup I made because I put artichokes in it and I knew he wasn’t the biggest fan of artichokes, when I told him that I was weaning of meds and it was making me a little tired (“why the fuck would you tell me that? I don’t want to know about it. So, you’re a drug addict? There’s always a sob story with you”) Etc etc
Oh man fuck that guy. Not literally, no one will ever do that again.
Sorry you went through that. But now you know what you DON’T want in life and that’s something.
Love from someone who got screamed at when I opened a package of cheese “the wrong way” :)
I once got screamed at for a whole hour about how I was just trash because I didn’t cook a frozen pizza the way she liked.
I’m confused, is there more than one way?
Soft crust - on a pan
Crispy crust - on the rack directly (boxes instructions)
So yes, there is indeed more than one way. Do we yell at people who took time to make it for you? No. No we don't. That's fucking rude.
Crispy crust. That was her issue. Or more accurately, her excuse to verbally abuse me.
I prefer crispy crust too, i feel a bit disappointed when it's softer, but honestly I'm just happy if someone makes me food.
Never an excuse for being an abusive asshole.
It sounds like he views women as objects and not people. If he was capable of having feelings for another person, he would understand when you have problems or made mistakes. But this reads like he wanted you to be a partner/ person with absolutely nothing he views as a “flaw” - basically a sex robot.
I’m so glad that you left before things got worse. Because this is textbook abuse.
If you ever feel bad about the relationship or the way he treated you, remember how many people love and care about you. And that if any of them were ever being treated like that, you would be furious for them.
Dude sounds like a narcissist and is trying to make you walk on eggshells and question everything you do. It’s him!! They do this as a game!! It’s an awful cat and mouse game so you’ll feel bad and try harder to make him happy. You’d think well why is he yelling at me if it isn’t my fault, the love to argue and complain!!!!! It’s their favorite fucking hobby!!!
I’m a very emotional person so being picked at and belittled would pretty easily land me in tears and very upset. I’d try to defend myself and stick up for myself against his constant nastiness. His favourite thing to say was that I was always causing fights and I was all drama.. that I brought out his nastiness and it was all my fault… because I reacted badly to his nitpicking. And he was so convinced that I was problematic, my lack of self esteem allowed me to believe it. He even somehow managed to get me to apologise for treating him badly. It was only a short relationship and it’s somehow still the most emotionally damaged I’ve ever felt leaving a relationship.
Yes, this is exactly what I went through! It’s all intentional. It’s not you, it’s them. They love destroying people from the inside out. It’s their way of getting power because they are so pathetic. I really thought it was me and those were legit things. I really thought it was my fault. It took a prophetic word from a man I never met before to know I was being abused! It’s been 15 years and he is dead but I am still dealing with what I had to deal with with him!! He is a malignant narcissist and you’re either an empath or codependent person. They don’t break your spirit they break your soul. It’s all by design. This has been the best way I have seen it worded. It sucks because they will do all kinds of awful shit and make themselves the victim and you’re the victim and everyone hates you.
So he’s been an ass before? Believe him this time
If it’s any consolation.. if this is how he treats girls, he’s gonna be single for a while.
Oh you really dodged a bullet, OP. The nitpicking apple would have made your life hell. The lack of sympathy, and just nastiness. Ew! Rejoice in seeing his backside leave for the last time.
Not bothered by the abuse, just that he has to hear about it. What a fucking tool.
"Every 2nd girl" sounds about right too, at least in the USA the satistics for sexual abuse in girls before the age of 18 is VERY high. It's a disgusting reality and he is disgusting for shaming women for being victims.
Right on target,
IMO as a guy, shrinking, turning black, brittleness, and a discharge before it falls off is more frightening
Edit - comma
I'm shocked that it was only "every second girl". Every AFAB person I know has mentioned being sexually assaulted or sexually harassed in some way. It's fucking horrific, and this dude is mad he couldn't get an erection to it
This is what my main concern was reading this posts. Yeesh, what an unfortunate human.
His response is not only repulsive, it’s suspicious.
"every second girl has a sexual abuse story"
How dumb must one be to not realize that there is obviously something wrong in this world when so many have sexual abuse stories and he just has the audacity to accept that as normal
honestly just feel he has some sort of past of sexual assualing someone, cause I mean this is just the absolute worst way to deal with your partner opening up to you
Wow I'm sorry but what an arsehole. Better you find out he's an arse now than later down the line. Do yourself a huge favour and dump this clown. You deserve so much better. X
"Every second girl has a sexual abuse story, and he's sick of hearing about it."
Then maybe he should stand up against sexual assault because obviously it's a fucking problem in this world!!
The repulsive actions of others toward you doesn’t make you repulsive, remember that, it makes the sick disgusting people who should rot but it doesn’t make you any less worthy. Your hopefully ex boyfriend is an immature uneducated waste of space. Sometime the trash takes itself out, be thankful and remember you are strong
Imagine being so self-centered that your partner opens up to you about something traumatic that happened to them and all your singular half-dead brain cell can fart out as a thought is “Mhm, pee-pee don’t like that :-(“
Like good god, I hope that fucker dies. If he’s so tired of hearing “every second girl’s” sexual assault story, imagine how tired we are of HAVING them.
That aside, I’m sorry OP, I can’t even begin to imagine how terribly that feels. Here’s to better things ahead.
Oh no he is sick of hearing about it?
Guess how we are sick from EXPERIENCING this.. Gosh the audacity.
I am so so so sorry for you :/ this is definitely NOT the normal response
I thought the same thing!!! Awww every second girl experienced this and you are BOTHERED by this? Poor you... Must be so hard to hear about it all the time! Ofc /s Ugh, I got so angry reading this. OP I hope you realize that in a way he is sort of victim blaming, and this is repulsive behaviour. What happened to you is not your fault!! He is an awful person that doesn't deserve 1 more minute of your attention.
It’s an appropriate time to quote to him “IMAGINE HOW TIRED WE ARE”
Girl, leave him alone. At least by telling him he revealed his true self to you.
>At least by telling him he revealed his true self to you.
What an unfortunate silver lining.
Every other woman has a sexual assault story, and his problem is with... the women? I never understand men like this, he's truly a piece of shit.
How do I hit someone through the phone
When I figure it out I’ll share the technology
We need to get together to figure out strategies, normally I’d say there’s no need for violence but with this it seems like the only solution
Oh I agree violence is the answer this time.
Imagine being more upset that a lot of girls tell you about being assaulted rather than the fact men are assaulting women 🤮
I mean, I see guys on Reddit every damn day lose their shit and say horrible things to female posters over women talking about their sexual assaults and having to be reminded of the fact that (we are aware) they are in the sex class that commits 99% of sexual assaults.
It’s almost just like most men hate women.
They literally hate women. They literally do. If they had the option to have robots that looked and anatomically preformed like women sexually and in child rearing, they would most definitely kill us in a heartbeat (socially speaking).
Good for you for dropping this dumb man. Is he 16? Ew
Tf? Be happy! This disgusting man showed you his true colors. You will find a man who loves you unlike this useless object
Jesus. He sounded 15
Nah...*nothing* turns off a 15-year-old guy
That’s embarrassing. I assumed you guys were late teens/early twenties. What a loser!
a 30yr old with the mentally of a **teenage boy**
His response is not in line with the maturity level of a 30 year old. Stay far away.
So you were dating a literal man child lol
Well too bad for him the majority of girls are sexually abused at some point in their lives. He just lowered his dating pool by a bunch.
the lower this man-child's *dating pool* is the better; soooo many more women will be **safer** because they'll never meet him to be within earshot of his verbal assault
Flip the script:
>"Your lack of empathy and understanding when I shared a traumatic event in my past with you is disgusting to me. Your personality has literally made you physically unattractive and repulsive to me. I don't see this relationship continuing as I don't wish to waste my time with someone who is so devoid of sympathy for someone he supposedly cares about.
>Side note: if "every second girl" has a story about sexual abuse, perhaps this is an opportunity for you to reflect on the actions of your sex. Bye!"
Then, mash that block button and get that toxicity out of your life. He is not worth your time or the oxygen he would steal from your lungs while he is in your presence.
I'm really sorry that you went through something so awful in your childhood; it can take a lifetime to deconstruct the baggage something like that forces you to carry around. One day, you will meet someone who will listen to your story, who will hear your story, who will stand by you and be understanding of the time you need to deal with your trauma. And they will *never* make you feel like you have to apologise for it.
‘Every second girl has a sexual abuse story’ so instead of thinking hey that’s a problem here maybe we need to change that. His reaction is to tell you that his dick is turned off? I hope it stays that way forever.
OP you are safer without him. Moreover you deserve to be loved as you are!
Let me tell u something. What your (soon to be ex) boyfriend said about you has nothing to do with u but is 100% to do with him. You are BETTER off without him. He is literaly showing you his true colors, aka being a dick. And since he is disgusted and annoyed with girls talking about their sexual abuse, chances are, he himself has sexually assaulted someone. I hope the best for you, ditch that asswipe.
Oh honey I am so sorry. Fuck that guy and leave his ass expeditiously! Its not something you could have controlled and if a guy ever told me that I'd be hitting his ass with the door on the way out. Don't feel like you have to hide this part of yourself because a childish man can only see this as something to do with him and not with you/how fucked up society is. I hope you heal and find someone who loves every part of you ❤️
Man, those stories piss me off too, because it makes me want to hurt the man who did it to them. Hearing about it upsets me, because it hurts hearing the girl you love was hurt like that.
Straight up, you are a million times better off without this guy.
Wow! That’s idk what to say to be honest.
Better to leave him, you deserve someone better
Son of a whore !! Wipe your arse of him and move on with your your life. You deserve a partner who is mature enough and with compassion, understanding and patience to help you deal with this trauma.
Good luck to you
What an immature loser. Say bye bye. Its not you its him.
sometimes the trash takes itself out
I bet my bottom dollar the only reason hes "tired of hearing it" is really because hes abused someone in the past like that too. He's probably only unattracted now because he knows youd call him out for victimizing you if he did it to you too. You probably dodged a bullet.
Wow, he's garbage. You dodged a huge bullet. What an asshole.
I feel like everyone women has some form of sexual abuse. This is a sincere comment. But just think logically. Although it can go both way we are still in a society where men chase the woman mostly. So let’s break it down. U have 1 woman and let’s say 30 diff guys throughout her life try and pursue her. Outta of that 30 I would say at a minimum 1-3 is a creep where they either pushed there boundaries or went as in sexual assault.
Although my mom died young I’m forever thankful of her teachings she gave me in how to treat a women. I have so many friends that never got that. And because of that they truly don’t know how to treat or respect women. Yeah some learn it on there own but this derrivs from early teachings
Ok rant over
Just want to say who ever sexual assaulted you I’m sorry they did that to you and even more sorry that someone you felt comfortable to open up that with about trashed you for it. I hope you find the happiness you deserve
>He said every second girl has a sexual abuse story and he’s sick of hearing about it
I mean... we're sick of being abused. I would LOVE not to have a sexual abuse "story".
If every other girl he's dated/known has suffered sexual abuse, this should clue him in that it's far more common than we think.
You're not a blank slate for him to write his desires on. You're a person, with a life before you met him, and yes, some scars. That doesn't make you repugnant, it makes you human. *Your ex* is repugnant, for failing to recognize your humanity and pain, in favor of his penis. You dodged a bullet.
How the **** do these types of people end up in relationships? I’m mind boggled.
Who he is in public with friends and acquaintances is gentle and kind. It wasn’t until I saw him behind closed doors that I realised who he truly was.
Literally the worst
Then you can’t say shit cause you know no one will believe he’s capable of such nasty things
I've been through that exact experience. They don't show their true nature right away, they start the abuse slowly over time and do it behind closed doors.
F that guy
Wow what a worthless piece of shit that dude is.
From your comments, you're dating a manipulative man and it would've probably escalated to domestic violence, so if anything positive came from this awful experience is seeing that.
If you haven't already, leave him. Not sure if you're in therapy, but if you aren't I'd strongly advise you do. It's common for abuse victims to attract men like this. As my therapist once told me, we accept the love we think we deserve.
He complains about every other women having a story of sexual abuse. That's because one in every 5 women were abused, and this statistic is believed to be understated, since so many women don't ever report it out of shame or fear.
I was abused when I was 18. When I got home, I doused myself in rubbing alcohol because I felt repulsive and disgusting. That didn't help though, and I ended up considering setting the alcohol on fire to "purify" myself. Luckily I didn't. But that's to say I completely understand what you're feeling.
The only real reason for rape is that rapists exist. They are the disgusting ones. You were victim of a crime and there's nothing you could have done, once a rapist sets thought on someone they can't be stopped.
Please stay safe, get as far away from him as humanly possible and feel free to pm me if you need to talk. Sending lots of love
Fuck that guy to fucking hell.
Did he ever stop to ponder why “every second girl has a sexual abuse story”?
He’s for the streets OP
That’s not a man. When my ex told me about her sexual abuse I did everything I could to remind her she was safe and loved. If that’s how he feels then he never cared about you emotionally and only saw you as someone he could have sex with.
> his dick was turned off
Funny. I had my dick for 29 years and I never knew that there was an on and off switch.
I don't think this dude is mature enough to be in a relationship.
It gets worse if you stay op, not better. Please leave him and don’t ever go back. That also makes it worse. Don’t do it. These scumbags want to display you, not love you as a person. He wants a jacket he can show off, not a partner to share burdens back and forth. Please get out before his disregard for you leads to something worse.
Edit to add:
My partner knows and is careful with me. There are parts that were too bad to ever really escape. Considering how extensive my own traumatic history is, I can say honestly that if there is someone who can not only accept but lovingly go over each scar and tell me ‘not your fault’ and ‘I’m just glad you are here’ and wish they could erase the events even if they can’t, because if someone you love is hurting or has been hurt, that hurts.
Your bf isn’t hurting for you. He’s mad his shoe has a scuff on it. That’s the difference. He likes an idea. Not you.
There is someone out there for you. This nonsense isn’t. Get out before one day his lack of care kills you.
Every other girl has an abuse story because SO MANY OF US ARE ABUSED BY MEN! Just dump him and find a partner who appreciates you.
Holy goddamn shit. Methinks the asshole doth protest too much—why would he have such a reaction without a guilty conscience? OP, I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you didn’t dodge a bullet, you dodged a bullet TRAIN! Imagine if you two got married and had some daughters, and one of those daughter’s got [email protected]—imagine what he would say to her and how he’d make her feel! You’d wind up divorcing him, struggling financially while being berated by most of the people around you for being “too sensitive and reactive.” Fuck that noise. Thank the LORD you are free!
Don’t try to understand crazy - good riddance. You were brave for bringing it up and none of this is remotely your fault. He probably has demons that he can’t deal with…
He sounds like one of those guys that doesn't really believe it and thinks girls are crying rape for attention. You are not repulsive, he is.
I share his sentiment but only in the first half.
Let me explain:
I hate... HATE... hearing about how practically every woman on this god forsaken planet was sexually assaulted or abused (or both, because fuck humans amirite?).
Things like this shouldn't happen in the first place and it hurts me to my very core when I read or listen to stories of sexual assault victims (women *and* men) had their own bodies violated and disrespected in such a manner.
If it was possible to prevent those crimes (let's call a spade a spade here), no matter the sacrifice, I'd personally take that option, even though I never was a sexual assault victim myself.
As for you, OP, I presume other redditors have already told you the obvious: drop that guy and don't turn around. I can understand how much he might hate hearing stories such as yours, as they are usually harrowing and heartbreaking, but to tell someone that they are repulsive simply because some turd decided that they have the right to someone else's body without their permission, that's beyond disrespectful and he needs that lesson taught the hard way.
I'm glad you told him now and not further down the line maybe when you were engagement or married or have kids. He saved you from a relationship with a terrible human being
What kind of psychopath says to a victim of SA that they're turned off by their trauma. Jesus Christ.
I'm so sorry
Good you found out now versus years later with kids
“Every other girl has the same story” yeah buddy, that’s the fucking world women have to live in, sorry it makes your dick turned off incel. Break up with that piece of dogshit and let him know he is not attractive period
Lol what a twat
You dodged a bullet there. He clearly lacks empathy and has some ...concerning views on victims of sexual abuse/assault. Sounds like he has some concerning views towards women in general (a bit victim-blamy and incel-ish to blame woman for having "sexual abuse stories") but I won't make assumptions. I would be turned off by him and his behaviour. What an idiot! I don't think you need to feel repulsive, he is clearly the repulsive character here. You didn't do anything wrong to be abused, or to be treated by your boyfriend like this. You deserve better and I think telling people about it might help you see how screwed up his actions really are and how little this is about anything you did
So many red flags. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s sexually abused someone in his lifetime…his reaction screams internalized guilt to me. Bye.
Fuck that guy. I hope all of his shirts are slightly to small.
You know what? It’s a good job you told him.
At least you now know what an utter piece of SHIT he is. You deserve better.
I hope you heal in time. Sending my best wishes.
Well you dodged a bullet and holy fuck, why do people like this exist. You will find someone that respects you and your past. Don't let this asshat get to you.
Ew what a piece of shit. You dodged a bullet but I understand your feelings are hurt. You are not disgusting. He is. You are not repulsive. He is. I’m so sorry OP.
OP, my god did you dodge a bullet. There are kind, compassionate men in the world, find them
He sounds like a horrible human. Be glad he showed himself out of your life
That makes me wonder if he has done that to somebody in his past. Not a normal response in any way!
This says more about him than it does you. You were brave enough to be honest and obviously he's shallow and insensitive towards such an awful situation. This isn't about you, it's about him being a piece of insensitive trash.
Good fucking god. This boy is garbage.
What a pig
Honestly honey - you should be repulsed by HIM. What a self centered gross jerk. Good you found this out now. Cut contact with him completely and find someone who loves you for you.
It’s not like his dick was supposed to be turned on by it???? As someone who has experienced the same and had to tell boyfriends about it, you are not repulsive, your boyfriend is. I’ve had some truly terrible and awful partners but none of them has reacted to my trauma in that way. His response is not normal and he is awful. Not you. You and your trauma is not the problem. He is.
Now that you've learned that he's a piece of shit, you can show him the door. I'm sorry this happened, but you shouldn't feel repulsive. You should see your (hopefully *ex*) boyfriend as the repulsive one, and focus on your own healing.
You're not repulsive. He is immature. I'm sorry that he did that to you, but not all guys are like that.
He’s a bad person, you’re not going to miss him for long. Let him go
Oh what the fuck? He sounds awful. I’m so sorry he reacted that way, there’s so excuse.
My grandparents were in the exact same situation many of years ago. They never really reconciled this, and it still bothers my grandma to this very day, even though they've been together & had children ever since.
My piece of advice, is to move on without him. My grandma still loves my grandfather so much, but she can never forgive what he said about her past abuse. Don't be like my grandma, don't feel like you have to stick with someone regardless of your and their situation. Fuck him off to the side and find someone who will love you regardless of what happened.
He handled it damn near about as bad as one can. You're probably better off without him.
But, there is one morsel of truth in what he said. Women see the attention that other women get when they share stories of abuse. For that reason, I am certain that many stories are embellished or made up entirely. It's a shame because it detracts from the legitimate cases of abuse that happen every day. Instead of being met with concern, they're met with skepticism. We even saw this play out on a national scale a few years ago with bandwagoning and fake stories for attention.
Example: My sister and her friend. My sister was abused badly by her ex boyfriend. I found out and I put the barrel of a 357 against his gut and told him to leave town or I'd empty the entire cylinder. I wont go into detail on how he abused her but there's certainly a special place in hell for him.
My sister's friend (Call her T) is a walking disaster. She cannot get out of her own way. She pulled a fake "MeToo" moment and got a guy arrested, then later bragged about it as a tactic.
About a year after I kicked my sister'a ex boyfriend out of town, she started dating a new guy. She had us meet him, and for some reason her friend T was there too. T started bringing up personal stories about my sister's ex that were uncomfortable for everyone, and then spun it all about herself and her experiences with "abuse." The new boyfriend pulled a move similar to the one in OP's story. "Augh I've heard enough, I'm done" type deal.
It's a shame but it happens every day. Damn drama queens ruin it for ones who need actual support
Idk why you're so concerned with your ex boyfriends opinion. He doesnt deserve you.
I'm sick of hearing dudes cry that a person is 'tainted' because they were abused.
So is this guy going to be rejecting any woman who has experience sexual assault? Because he's in for a ride then.
Holy shit he is a horrible person. I’m so sorry you had to find out in such a brutal way after being so vulnerable with him. HE’S sick of it?????? More like people are fucking sick of getting abused holy shit!!!! I’m so sorry. I agree w what others are saying tho that you’re better off without him. Still fucking OUCH tho :(((( he has no right to be disgusted with you and please please please I don’t want u to feel repulsive bc what happened to u iS NOT YOUR FAULT AT ALL!!!!! Hope this doesn’t reopen too much shit for you and that you can keep healing <3
Well then you found out he sucks at least, zero empathy cock, youre better off
I've never heard of such a immature and selfish ignorant person. good riddance!
That's really fucked up and I'm sorry that happened to you. But I think you dodged a bullet. If he's that immature and insecure, there would have been other big problems later on. If you aren't seeing a therapist, i would suggest it. It can do wonders to help heal traumas. I saw a therapist for a few years myself. Focus on yourself, and the right person will find you in time. Wish you all the best.
This man acknowleges that there IS a common issue of women being sexually abused, and instead of being mad at the people who do this, he gets angry that the people that this happened to talk about it? That is not a person you want putting thier dick in you. He's no good.
**Wow.** Just wow.
Like 1) he’s fucking trash and
2) if every second girl has a sexual abuse story *maybe, just maybe* he should think about what he just said.
I hope you told him you, as a person weren’t attracted to him any more and broke up with him.
If his feelings for you are solely dictated by his penis, then I'm sorry to say but he doesn't love you or care about you at all.
You are worth more than this.