By - sam1k
Just talk to him like you would a cis man. Personally, I wouldn’t want any different treatment just because I’m trans
I think first thing you should do is figure out his relationship status or if he even likes girls. It would kinda suck to try and flirt with him and then he be already taken or gay
I would be careful dating in the workplace tbh, it’s tough to resist new liberal hotties and I get that lol but also not all trans people are cool, chill people. I’ve met some real assholes, so kinda like what others said, don’t make too many assumptions just cause he is trans.
Just ask how his day is going next time you’re in the break room together and see if it starts a conversation. Don’t force any convo though, can be very awkward and is obvious when someone is trying to make something flow that isn’t there. Good luck!
Might need to be more clear with him. I’m a trans guy who’s really only ever had female friends so when girls approach me I can’t tell if they just want to be friends or more.
This! I talked with a trans woman for months before I realized that she was flirting with me.
As cis folk like to talk once someone discloses, as they told you his business without you even having to ask, he may already know about you too if your open at the job too and also might be feeling the same as you, unsure how to approach you. I think a simple hello the next time you both are in the same room could get things going. If someone wants to talk to you, that’s all it’ll take to start something imo. Even if it’s a couple of friendly hellos every time you are in the same room, until someone decides to strike up a real conversation. I find it’s better to never rush things but to let them develop naturally. If he says hello back, just feel for what type of energy he omits, whether it be a friendly hello with a smile or a quick hi and he moves back to focusing about his time there. It’ll let you know right away whether to continue attempting to get to know him. Hopefully he’s friendly and open and things flow for you two naturally. Good luck!
tbh i did roll my eyes - i know your heart is in the right place but literally just talk to him like you would any guy. It feels kind of offensive to me that you think you would have to handle him differently, especially if it’s someone you don’t know personally yet. I know you might want to talk about transnsss right off the bat, but he didn’t disclose his trans status to you specially so that will have to be a conversation for once you get to know him better. Hope it goes well
That’s good advice, thank you!
(Handshake) "Hey, my name is (), nice to meet you. I work out on the floor, but let me know if you want to have lunch together sometime. I take mine at (time)."
Sweet, simple, low pressure connection. You've got this.
I understand where you're coming from with nervousness, it's really like a unicorn sighting to find another trans person at work and to top it off with a crush too. That said, just treat him how you'd want him to pursue you. Not contingent on your gender identity, but because you're attracted to him. The t4t just makes it a bonus lol. Good luck!
You can't actually assume he's trans. And he might be intensely upset over being outted if he is.
He’s open about about it to everyone in the office. But I wouldn’t bring it up to him unless he did first.
That's good to know. No one wants to be outed when they're being stealth.
I get that as a trans person discovering there's another trans person at your work there's a feeling of connection and kinship, (every time I see someone wearing trans merch I just want to telepathically fist bump/high five like heck yeah) but I'd suggest that even if he's open about his identity to still approach him as you'd do with any other cool dude.
This is kind of a personal perspective, but for me being transgender is an important part of my identity but I'd still struggle to continue a conversation if that was the focus of someone who's also transgender trying to get to know me. Because a lot of it would probably be just like 'yeah same'. While it's great to find people you relate to (hence why many of us join lgbt communities), you need to get to know him as a person first.
So, stuff that you'd normally consider. Ask about his day. What does he like to do in terms of hobbies? Try to figure out if he's even single and where he stands on the LGBTQA+, because he might be in a relationship already or could be gay or ace or maybe just not looking for anything.
edit: also, I guess this is something you'd be aware as someone transgender but perhaps try to avoid complimenting him as cute/pretty or commenting how adorable he is if he's short. At least until you figure out how comfortable he is with that stuff. Yeah many of us don't give a cluck, but to some this could still be a source of dysphoria. So it can possibly hit some transgender dudes different than if you'd call a cis dude cute as there could be that additional layer of perhaps trying to distance self from assigned gender at birth. Idk tho, we're all just people and it obviously varies.
Just start talking about work and all and then like idk same way you would a cis man.
Get to know him while doing work related stuff. Always helps to take away the nerves
Talk to us…like anyone else? We aren’t anomalies or different than cis men. We don’t need a guide like we are magical creatures.
I would just advise you to not focus on his gender as much. If I had someone interested in me and all they wanted to talk about is us being trans together I’d be turned off. I am much more than being a trans man. Hell, I don’t even think about my gender most days.
And for the love of god, please don’t ask for our genitals/boobs and make jokes about giving us yours/swapping parts. I went on a date with a trans woman before I met my current bf and she was literally SO offended I wanted to get a hysto (or I’m assuming she was, as she would not stop half heartedly joking I should just give it to her instead). She lamented that I threw away “perfectly good boobs” because she wanted some, we could’ve totally swapped! I chewed her out in text form and blocked her after the date.
Finally, be up front. Idk how this guy is but I’ve noticed a lot of men I had dated were oblivious to flirting. So being direct and confidant is key.
With trans guys the biggest thing is make sure to not point out things that could make him dysphoric until you know he's ok with it. So don't say "haha you're so short" or talk about his chest or genitals, even if it's a joke. I've seen some trans women say they're jealous of trans guys bodies which can make trans guys dysphoric, but I'm sure you know that already.
I can't think of anything else to consider that's trans related. I was the one who asked out my girlfriend (who is also trans), so since in my experience it was the other way around I am not sure about how to go about it lol. Maybe get to know him first and see if you actually like his personality, for me being friends with my girlfriend made me realise how much I like her.
Like he’s a guy.
litteraly just give him attention regularly, smile when you talk to him. and listen to what he says. maybe try to hang out and buy him food or something
Just talk to him like you would any other guy. Say hi, ask how he's doing, what he thought of the new Matrix movie, whatever. But be aware that dipping your pen into the company ink might be an issue later if you guys break up.
Talk to him as you would with other men. As soon as you don’t flirt and talk about feminine parts of their body or bring up anything that’ll make them dysphoric you should be fine.
This is really cute and I’m not sure why folks are being so hard on you. I totally know the feeling of not wanting to be awkward like, “so…we’re both queer, lez be friends,” but sometimes it is like that, especially in a work setting. He probably is wondering about you too, and will be glad you broke the ice. Starting the convo is always the hardest part. Once someone breaks the seal, it usually flows from there. Sorry about all the downers in this thread! Update us when sparks fly!