I think due to his immense size he would not get hooked on meth (it would have a much smaller effect on him due to his weight) and thus be much easier to deal with. He would also be slower and might have more time to think before doing impulsive things. Perhaps his unusual and unnatural stature would draw the attention of the authorities as well, resulting in him having to behave very well in order to not incur the wrath of the law.
I think physically speaking he could reach inside their bedroom windows and yank them out, although he would probably wake up the neighbors with his stomping around and get caught.
Sticking with this logic, if we assume Tuco cannot fit inside a car, then its fair to say he wouldn't own a car. Therefore, the events of Better Call Saul would've never occurred, since Mike backed his car into Tuco's to insight his anger.
Given his temper, tuco would've been just as angry from his shoes getting soiled. Also his immense size would've attracted authorities way faster, bringing less tension to the scene overall
Due to the square-cube law, if his height was increased threefold and his body scaled proportionally, he would need 3^3, or 27 times the normal amount of meth, assuming meth need is directly proportional to body mass.
Not to mention the blood circulation problems such a giant would experience. He probably wouldn’t be able to stand upright for more than a couple minutes.
Fixed, I would like to formally apologise for my actions with a free download for Johnny English 2 (as pictured below)
https://preview.redd.it/a27viigy0jqa1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=bf10adea80379cb1a987e2b83b320c64d551a4e0
[John of English](https://youtu.be/127rJwowaAc)
I
Juanito: "Boss, what's happened to you? You're huge!"
Tuco: "I don't know, man. I woke up like this. But you know what they say, bigger is better!"
Juanito: "Uh, yeah, I guess so. But how are we supposed to handle things with you like this vato?"
Tuco: "Handle things? We'll handle things the same way we always have. With brute force! You see these muscles? Ain't nobody gonna mess with us now!"
Juanito: "I don't know, boss. You're kinda freaking me out alv ."
Tuco: "Freaking you out? That's it, I don't need any weaklings on my team. I have BIG plans for this town"
Tuco proceeds to violently rape and shake Juanito around now having big balls producing 3 times the amount of testosterone , his massive size leads to him being killed by his humongous cock and shows he dominates the new Mexico drug scene
Thank you. As a hispanic it's my very nature to communicate in such a manner. I tried to really encapsulate the characters very essence so when I got to the rape portion of the script you could really visualize Tuco and all his mannerisms and have it remain true to the vision that Gilligan had. Maybe he throws in a " TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT" after dumping his 3x load and killing Juan but maybe that's too much fan service. Im always open to ideas and constructive criticism. Keep in mind I'm a raging homosexual
I bet these heteros kiss girls, Generel Gravicius grunts, his hips rapidly slamming his erect donger deep into Shadow's lean muscled frame. Sweat drips from his brow as he moans a quiet prayer before both nuts erupt, turning him into a fountain of cum, launching shadow at least 5 meters onto the floor. Gravicius smirks at the sight, "I fuck for God. Who do you fuck for, Exile?"
It would force Saul to go into his titan form.
https://preview.redd.it/fr4xmlblpfqa1.png?width=1001&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=c26b7cd817d99a1076c549387c9a14e6f553e900
heres what chatgpt thinks
INT. TUCO'S OFFICE - DAY
WALTER WHITE and JESSE PINKMAN nervously enter Tuco's office. As they approach Tuco's desk, they suddenly freeze in shock. Tuco stands up from his chair, revealing that he is now a 16-foot-tall giant.
WALTER: (whispering to Jesse) What the hell is going on? Is this some kind of joke?
JESSE: (whispering back) I don't know, man. But we gotta play it cool.
Tuco stares down at them with a menacing look.
TUO: (booming voice) You two are the ones who brought me the fake meth, huh? (chuckles) You boys are lucky I'm in a good mood today.
WALTER: (nervously) Tuco, we didn't mean to-
TUO: (interrupting) Shut up! I don't wanna hear it. You know what I do to people who cross me? (raises his hand and smashes a nearby table to pieces) I crush them like little bugs.
JESSE: (defeated) Look, Tuco, we messed up. We'll make it right, we promise.
Tuco looks down at Jesse, contemplating his next move.
TUO: (smirking) You know what, I like you, kid. You got some balls. (turns to Walter) But you, you're a coward. You should be on your knees begging for your life right now.
WALTER: (pleading) Please, Tuco. We'll do anything you want.
TUO: (laughing) Anything I want? (thinks for a moment) Alright then, I want you to make me a new batch of the blue stuff. And it better be the real deal this time.
WALTER: (confused) But how are we supposed to-
TUO: (interrupting) Don't worry about that. Just get it done. And if you try to pull another fast one on me, I'll make sure you regret it.
JESSE: (nodding) We understand, Tuco. We'll make it right.
Tuco nods and sits back down in his chair. Walter and Jesse quickly exit the office, both breathing a sigh of relief.
JESSE: (whispering) What the hell was that?
WALTER: (shaking his head) I have no idea. But we have to find a way to make that new batch, or we're dead.
FADE OUT.
"we are meaningless compared to the immensity of the universe"
"if you were 3 times as large would you be 3 times as more meaningful?"
"woah"
a conversation tuco had with walt
I think it would be more interesting if this change was done on Kim. I also think it would be interesting if she also got larger assets and had a tail and animal ears.
Due to his enormous size, his voice would be a much lower resonance. So low matter of fact that all the other characters would barely understand or even hear what he's saying. Thus Tuco becomes quite isolated in the New Mexico meth scene and roams around like a lonely whale in the widest of oceans.
What if Tuco said at the start of every sentence "Fa fe fi fo fum" in a booming, clear voice. That alongside carrying a big wooden club instead of using puny human weapons and or his fists
Hank brings an RPG to the gunfight instead. Hank kills Tuco still but he becomes a giant-slayer and goes on to kill giants. Hank the Giant-Slayer reigns supreme!
I think due to his immense size he would not get hooked on meth (it would have a much smaller effect on him due to his weight) and thus be much easier to deal with. He would also be slower and might have more time to think before doing impulsive things. Perhaps his unusual and unnatural stature would draw the attention of the authorities as well, resulting in him having to behave very well in order to not incur the wrath of the law.
He wouldn't have been able to hold a gun or fit inside a car, thus he would have never successfully kidnapped Walt and Jesse.
Well, he could place them in the car and carry them with a truck
I think physically speaking he could reach inside their bedroom windows and yank them out, although he would probably wake up the neighbors with his stomping around and get caught.
Jesus fucking Christ this is the best thing I’ve seen all day
Sticking with this logic, if we assume Tuco cannot fit inside a car, then its fair to say he wouldn't own a car. Therefore, the events of Better Call Saul would've never occurred, since Mike backed his car into Tuco's to insight his anger.
But rather, Mike's car would have crushed Tuco's foot
Given his temper, tuco would've been just as angry from his shoes getting soiled. Also his immense size would've attracted authorities way faster, bringing less tension to the scene overall
Why wouldn’t he just do a giant amount of meth? Are you saying he’s stupid?
No man, I'm just saying...
Are you saying… that *I’m* stupid?
u/joeloud why don't we all just relax?
Ha! HEISENBONES says relax. Orale, homes... I'm relaxed. I'm relaxed. I'm-- [beats him to death]
Then how much meth would it take to make him as impulsive as the original Tuco?
30
30 ounces?
Are you stupid? 🔥🔥🔥💯💯🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯💯🐺🐺🐺🐺🗣️🗣️🗣️💯💯💯💯
30 pounds?
30 meths dumbass
This guys gets it 💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🐺🐺🐺🐺🐺
You’re done.
Due to the square-cube law, if his height was increased threefold and his body scaled proportionally, he would need 3^3, or 27 times the normal amount of meth, assuming meth need is directly proportional to body mass.
Not to mention the blood circulation problems such a giant would experience. He probably wouldn’t be able to stand upright for more than a couple minutes.
HIRE FANS 🙏
Hire 🙏 fans🙏
However. Cap 'n Cook and Heisenberg would remember who they are working for, since it's a giant)
From 'tight tight tight tight!' To 'mild'
Why does Tuco (the largest meth dealer) not simply SNORT the other two?
Tuco after snorting the dudes who called his abuelita a biznatch
Sadly, you forgot the "Is he stupid?" Your comment could have been funny but now it's not. :(
The comments meant to be a reference to a quote from Futurama, not a shitpost done to death
Memes get funnier the more they are used though??
Yes but they can be overused
“Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum whatever man. Just keep bringing me more of that”
Funniest comment I've seen on this sub
I don't get the joke
>Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum It's a part of a little rhyme that the giant says in Jack and the Beanstalk
Ok, thank you. That sounds funny.
“Saul Goodman? Ha! More like small Goodman! I have a crippling and debilitating drug addiction”
You should edit the comment back. It was so much funnier dead pan, I literally screenshotted it
Fixed, I would like to formally apologise for my actions with a free download for Johnny English 2 (as pictured below) https://preview.redd.it/a27viigy0jqa1.jpeg?width=1284&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=bf10adea80379cb1a987e2b83b320c64d551a4e0 [John of English](https://youtu.be/127rJwowaAc)
He'll be known as Gigantuco
Does the penis size also enlarge ?
No
No deal
No dice
https://preview.redd.it/p0b06u4o5hqa1.png?width=750&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=49f8be2a8a1e0674579fca42908d9bc23d87a70a
Shot and miss
it's already giant size (confirmed by raymond cruz himself)
I want to read that interview
I Juanito: "Boss, what's happened to you? You're huge!" Tuco: "I don't know, man. I woke up like this. But you know what they say, bigger is better!" Juanito: "Uh, yeah, I guess so. But how are we supposed to handle things with you like this vato?" Tuco: "Handle things? We'll handle things the same way we always have. With brute force! You see these muscles? Ain't nobody gonna mess with us now!" Juanito: "I don't know, boss. You're kinda freaking me out alv ." Tuco: "Freaking you out? That's it, I don't need any weaklings on my team. I have BIG plans for this town" Tuco proceeds to violently rape and shake Juanito around now having big balls producing 3 times the amount of testosterone , his massive size leads to him being killed by his humongous cock and shows he dominates the new Mexico drug scene
 Me going to Vince Gilligan's home as he writes this)
Why the door got teeth
Idk I'm homophobic)
Imagine the cumshot
This perfectly captures how the characters spoke. You must be something of a screenwriter yourself
Thank you. As a hispanic it's my very nature to communicate in such a manner. I tried to really encapsulate the characters very essence so when I got to the rape portion of the script you could really visualize Tuco and all his mannerisms and have it remain true to the vision that Gilligan had. Maybe he throws in a " TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT" after dumping his 3x load and killing Juan but maybe that's too much fan service. Im always open to ideas and constructive criticism. Keep in mind I'm a raging homosexual
I bet these heteros kiss girls, Generel Gravicius grunts, his hips rapidly slamming his erect donger deep into Shadow's lean muscled frame. Sweat drips from his brow as he moans a quiet prayer before both nuts erupt, turning him into a fountain of cum, launching shadow at least 5 meters onto the floor. Gravicius smirks at the sight, "I fuck for God. Who do you fuck for, Exile?"
It would force Saul to go into his titan form. https://preview.redd.it/fr4xmlblpfqa1.png?width=1001&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=c26b7cd817d99a1076c549387c9a14e6f553e900
Has he drunk any wine tho?
Yeah did you skip the episode where he and kim drink lots of expensive wine?
Oh no
The bullet wouldn’t have killed him
Yeah but it would be much easier for hank to hit him
Yeah but Titan's only weakness is their neck
heres what chatgpt thinks INT. TUCO'S OFFICE - DAY WALTER WHITE and JESSE PINKMAN nervously enter Tuco's office. As they approach Tuco's desk, they suddenly freeze in shock. Tuco stands up from his chair, revealing that he is now a 16-foot-tall giant. WALTER: (whispering to Jesse) What the hell is going on? Is this some kind of joke? JESSE: (whispering back) I don't know, man. But we gotta play it cool. Tuco stares down at them with a menacing look. TUO: (booming voice) You two are the ones who brought me the fake meth, huh? (chuckles) You boys are lucky I'm in a good mood today. WALTER: (nervously) Tuco, we didn't mean to- TUO: (interrupting) Shut up! I don't wanna hear it. You know what I do to people who cross me? (raises his hand and smashes a nearby table to pieces) I crush them like little bugs. JESSE: (defeated) Look, Tuco, we messed up. We'll make it right, we promise. Tuco looks down at Jesse, contemplating his next move. TUO: (smirking) You know what, I like you, kid. You got some balls. (turns to Walter) But you, you're a coward. You should be on your knees begging for your life right now. WALTER: (pleading) Please, Tuco. We'll do anything you want. TUO: (laughing) Anything I want? (thinks for a moment) Alright then, I want you to make me a new batch of the blue stuff. And it better be the real deal this time. WALTER: (confused) But how are we supposed to- TUO: (interrupting) Don't worry about that. Just get it done. And if you try to pull another fast one on me, I'll make sure you regret it. JESSE: (nodding) We understand, Tuco. We'll make it right. Tuco nods and sits back down in his chair. Walter and Jesse quickly exit the office, both breathing a sigh of relief. JESSE: (whispering) What the hell was that? WALTER: (shaking his head) I have no idea. But we have to find a way to make that new batch, or we're dead. FADE OUT.
yes, my fav meth dealer, TUO.
kid named TUO:
Well, that just happened.
Had me clapping in public. Hire fans.
Had me jackin' it in San Diego)
👏HIRE👏ROBITS👏
He probably would’ve been like “oooooohhhh I’m very tall and therefore have a physical advantage over you guys aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!” 😝
If his metabolism doesn't change then he'll literally boil himself to death from the inside L
“Heh, first I beat the piss out of your mouse boy, then I squash you, Heisenbug. Then I can keep all your tiny meth for myself”
You just signed your death sentence, queer boy.
He would threaten to grind up the twins’ bones to make his bread
Saul: “How’s the weather up there?”
He’d always complain that his pants are tight, tight, tight
Fee fee foe fum OH YEAH LOOK AT THAT LOOK!! 👊
He'd be extra angry cause his dick couldn't fit into anyone.
Huell
*Tries to squash twin's leg but explodes his entire lower body "DID YOU SEE THAT!? DID YOU SEE THAT!? YEAH! YEAH! WOOOOOO!!!!!"
the twins would have a bit more than a broken leg
Gets captured by the government and studied for analysis. A specimen like this can’t be ignored
I can’t concentrate on the question because seeing Jimmy tied up and on his knees is way too distracting for me to think about anything else
This was the moment when Tuco became Taco
Or Gigantuco
https://preview.redd.it/ayqvm72x0gqa1.jpeg?width=298&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=02920da1b1819494f9eec377696012c0235c5e40
Everything would be tight. Tight! TIGHT!
I think he'd just eat people
Omg square cube law?!?!!!????????!??!???????? Wha?!!!🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄big he was 3 times as tall he’d have 27 times the mass 😩😩😩😩🙄🙄🙄🙄🧠🧠🧠🧠🧠🤯
"we are meaningless compared to the immensity of the universe" "if you were 3 times as large would you be 3 times as more meaningful?" "woah" a conversation tuco had with walt
It’s equally funny no matter who says which line
Tuco : 
"Fee fi fo fum" - Tuco Salamanca
I think it would be more interesting if this change was done on Kim. I also think it would be interesting if she also got larger assets and had a tail and animal ears.
Due to his enormous size, his voice would be a much lower resonance. So low matter of fact that all the other characters would barely understand or even hear what he's saying. Thus Tuco becomes quite isolated in the New Mexico meth scene and roams around like a lonely whale in the widest of oceans.
The Whale (2022)
"You are in BIG trouble", "im tuco salaGIANT", "you are a tiny lawyer in a little suit"
Or: “You are in BIG trouble", "im Gigantuco Salamanca", "you are a tiny lawyer in a little suit"
This sub always making me think
Instead of saying "Tight, tight, tight", he would've made the noise of a ship's foghorn three times
This is a good one
"Popcorners"
I am TUCO AND I AM BEEEEEEEGGGG….
Tuco: *Tight tight tight* (after he shoves Saul into his ass)
Attack on Titan if it was good
He talks like the monkeys on DBZ with a fuckton of reverb
It would be so tight tight tight when he tries to put clothes on
What if Tuco said at the start of every sentence "Fa fe fi fo fum" in a booming, clear voice. That alongside carrying a big wooden club instead of using puny human weapons and or his fists
"Ha. You look like a rat to me. Pink little tail, man." *beats jimmy to death so his kidneys start to leave his body*
\*dick slap\*
fee fie foo fum i will cut off your tongue
He would walk around like an Ent, with Walt on one shoulder and Saul on the other, and talk very slowly
Why didn't Howard transform into Titan when Lalo showed up with a gun, is he stupid?
What if Saul Goodman BETRAYED pregnant heisenberg and locked HIM in the time chamber
Most mentally stable okbuddychicanery member:
Balls on the forehead.
grunts slowly: *toooight toooight tooooight*
I'm getting so big my clothes are getting TIGHT TIGHT TIGHT
Hank brings an RPG to the gunfight instead. Hank kills Tuco still but he becomes a giant-slayer and goes on to kill giants. Hank the Giant-Slayer reigns supreme!
 Tuco when people that have a thing for giants show up
We've all played New Vegas. I doubt he would be anything like Marcus. Nope, just your average illiterate super moron running amok in the wasteland.
I thought it was "Why didn't Jimmy just run from Tuco when he clearly threatened his life in the desert? Is he stupid??" again
tight tight
“Fee fi fo fum” - Tuco arriving at Walt’s house to kidnap him
Download Audio: Tuco you will have to ride in the frunk.
#TIGHT #TIGHT #TIGHT
Aaron Paul breaks more than his ribs
I’m huge, bitch!
Fe fi fo fum I won't stuff chili powder up my bum
“can you handle four pounds?” tuco: “you don’t wanna owe me money. fe fi fo fum.”
Fee fie fough fum
Top tier chicanery
Can someone please reassure me that posts like this will continue to be created until I die?
You are assured
Depends on what type of giant we’re speaking of. Did the number of cells increase, or the size of the cells?
he would die of bone failure
Stomping? When did we get onto stomping?
If the show Tuco was a giant he would only be normal size compared to the other characters
“Fee fie foe fum, holy shit is that Saul Goodman”
Bad question.
But good answers